My [40m] rapist [37F] had a baby and I just found out 14 years later.

Ok so this is a wild ride. Throwaway for privacy sake.

I was 26 and newly divorced, I was pretty unhappy and not really sleeping so I took up a bartending job to make some extra cash, get me out more, and maybe meet some new fun friends after my 6 year soul and friendship stealing relationship had ended. I was in no way looking for sex or a girlfriend.

So the weeks and months pass and I’m starting to feel myself again, more confident, on the path to self happiness when a coworker started showing interest in me, I casually mentioned in conversation that I was healing and wanted be on my own for the foreseeable future. She didn’t get the hint and made several advances at work and when I saw her out a couple times when out with friends. I told my supervisors and it was met with laughter, like how is this guy turning down easy booty? They agreed to limit my shifts with her as much as possible.

Things seemed to get better for a couple weeks until we had our Christmas party. It started at our work and spilled over to a coworkers house in the late hours. This is where shit gets real fucked up, I’m a big guy and was an avid drinker. I can count the times I’ve blacked out on ONE FINGER, that night. I woke up on an airmatress with my pants/boxers around my ankles and said female snuggled up to me in bed. It was obvious we had had sex...and I was SO out of it. I got up and stumbled the couple miles home and slept for over 12 hours. I’m fairly certain this is my roofie story. She called me a couple times and I didn’t answer. I told my supervisor about the incident and he laughed it off saying he knew she was gonna get me eventually. I quit on the spot and ended up moving out of state within a month. I had zero desire to be in that city anymore, I had had my heart broken and been raped and made fun of for it.

A few years later she sent me a friend request on Facebook but I just blocked her.

Fast forward to 2 days ago getting a supeona while at work for a child support case where she is the plaintiff. I’m happily married now with 3 wonderful children. I haven’t thought about what happened in years, and haven’t told anyone in as long either. It’s never came up with my wife, as it’s something I thought was behind me. I have NO idea how to talk to her about this now or how to proceed with this new child. He’s 13 and never known me, i know it’s not his fault but I’m having trouble deciding if I even want to meet him. 14 years later crazy is still ruining my life.

Any advice or words of wisdom will be greatly appreciated.

UPDATE: I spoke with my wife this morning and she was visibly upset, but very supportive. We are going to see our attorney together on Thursday for the legal matters and she says she’s supportive of whatever decision i make. I’m still plagued by indecision. I don’t know if I can be a father to this child if he’s mine. I know that’s a shit thing to say. I can’t imagine not being there for my 3 kids. Maybe a few more days of thought will help. Thank you all for the advice and support.

Update2: wife has surprised me with a few day getaway. Moved appt with attorney to Monday, but dropped off the complaint at his office. Going to unwind for a few days with the family. I will update Monday evening. In the meantime, if I decide to have this kid in my life, I have no idea what his mom has told him about me, I could be the absolute worst in his eyes by now. I can’t tell him his mom is a rapist can I? She’s all he’s known and that just seems really fucked. Anyway, I’ll answer replys and thanks again for all the advice and support.

Update3: Met with our attorney today and it was a bit of a relief as far as the financial side goes. Looking like the most she can go back is 4 years. The more interesting aspects are that I found his birthdate which puts him at about 42 weeks from the day of the incident, so maybe, maybe not as far as paternity goes. I did find out that she had dated an army guy for about 5 years right after i left and he ended up leaving her, and then passing away, that would have been around the time she FB friended me. I am also not the first person she’s tried to collect from. We found 2 previous guys that were accused and ended up taking paternity tests. So I’m really hoping she just got around a lot during that month and mine didn’t take either. Snooping through her FB and insta shows that she’s just as shitty as I remember and it looks like the kid spends most of his time with her parents. I am praying that I’m not tied to this woman. I’ve been to fucking war and I’d rather go back than have to communicate with her. My wife has been amazing through all this. Supportive and positive.

TL;DR: was raped by a female who got pregnant, didn’t find out for 14 years and now she’s coming for child support.