I thought you get someone to love you by validating them. As in, "I think you're SOOO perfect" would be solid game. Wrong. Also, I still struggle to accept that sex is a normal thing people do. E.g. for a typical single girl of 21, how often does she have sex and with what sort of partners? What sort of feelings are there between them? I have no idea. My intuition is never because I grew up thinking sex was some rare culmination of true love. QUESTION - can someone point me toward a good writeup of ways we are lied to, as I'm trying to figure out how conditioning can be corrected? QUESTION - any thoughts on blame? is one gender more at fault for perpetuating inaccurate ideas? to what extent are they "lies" vs. people not being able to articulate, not being part of the secret society etc.? EDIT: obviously one must take responsibility for oneself. though it's also obvious that we are pummeled with false messages about social dynamics