This is becoming more trendy to bash men that don't want to have sex with a person that feels like a woman but has a penis. Isn't this hetero conversion??

(Writing below ISNT MINE...From the link

Being Trans on the Sex-positive Scene

Cringe whining

I’ve been to a few swing nights at various clubs across the country (I won’t name names in this article, you can figure them out yourself).  As well as a few hook-ups via swing dating sites.  The one thing that ‘normal’ swingers seem to want is a very interesting blend of male patriarchy and pseudo heteronormativity.

I upset that balance.  A lot.

It seems that the majority of men that go to these events describe themselves as straight (I have no issue with male partners calling themselves straight as I’m a woman, albeit a trans one).  However as soon as a trans woman comes along all hell breaks loose.

The women in this environment are almost expected to be bisexual.   This partisan homophobia is quite rampant where MMF and FFM threesomes and moresomes clearly happen but the men don’t interact with each other in any sexual way (other than maybe a high-5).

Which leads to a few problems when you are a woman with a penis…

Men are a different question entirely.

I can put their reaction into one of four main categories.

1.       Men who have never experienced trans women, or can’t get their testosterone fuelled brains around the idea.  To them I’m some kind of freak of nature and must be avoided.  Their partners talking to me represents a threat.  Usually they aren’t physically hostile but it’s pretty clear from their body language they are scared / aggressive or just want nothing to do with me. 

They will often misgender me or use offensive language which guarantees we avoid each other.   This has gotten super awkward when their partner is clearly into me…

2.       Men who *clearly* haven’t explored their sexuality properly or are in complete denial about this.  Trans women (and to a lesser extent cross dressers) seem to represent a ‘get out of jail free’ card of giving them a chance to suck on a cock without having to deal with their own internalised homophobia.  Great for them, sucky for me (excuse the pun).  

I have literally lost count of the number of guys that have said ‘I’m not gay, but I really want to suck your cock’.

3.       Men who are clearly attracted to me but have no idea what to do about it.  This manifests either in them wanting to play in private (this can be handled well, but usually isn’t), or lots of fumbling awkward questions.  Invites such as ‘can we go play in a private room’ are ok.  ‘I don’t want to be seen fucking you but I really want to’ isn’t quite the same thing (yes, I’ve had this).

I am *nobodys* dirty little secret.  Dirty yes, secret no…

4.       Men who just see me as another woman with an extra body part that they might want to interact with (or equally totally ignore).  Sadly these are few and far between in this community.

Clearly I like the last kind.  I don’t mind the third kind if they manage the interaction in a polite and sensitive way, but they often don’t. 

The other thing I’ve really noticed around this community is consent.  I’m from the kink world – to me consent is not just sexy, it’s bloody mandatory.  I don’t even touch people without at least a non-verbal cue and preferably proper enthusiastic consent.  Even hugs.

It seems the kink world rule of ‘it’s a no until someone says yes’ is flipped in traditional swinging where it appears to be ‘it’s a yes until you say no’.  And quite often that no needs to escalate into a ‘f-ck off don’t touch me’.  I haven’t quite had to get physical with someone yet to enforce consent but I’ve come close a few times.  Grabbing my arse is not a chat up line.  At least make eye contact before you grope me…

Lastly respect for simple things like pronouns and names can be a challenge (yes, I’ve had someone ask what my ‘real’ name was far too many times for it to be considered polite).

For all these reasons I tend not to go back to plain swing events.

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