Background: in a LTR for a year, both each other's firsts + serious but in college. Started in a beta place with her as "best friends" aka I was her biggest orbiter till I manned up. Was seriously unsatisfied with myself more recently but after learning of RP have made moves to change this.

My problem is that I can only retain the redpill mindset and feel self sufficiently happy when I am not with her. When I actually am with her, I feel good but also feel myself regressing to my previous beta mindset. Our relationship is serious and she is pretty RP as far as that goes (may just be because we are each other's firsts/she's not very sexually experienced).

If I ignore her and focus on myself I feel great but our relationship suffers as a result and I want to make it work/stay together. How do I get over this mindset in my head?