Background

Been with this chick for over a year. We are currently away from each other for a while cause of work. Things starting to get more serious with plans congealing for her to move over to where I am for work and what not. Still have not dropped the L bomb and won't unless I do actually love her. But anyway I know as things move forward its fair to expect more shit tests.

Conversation

Over last few days some texts went unanswered, really minute stuff but you pick up on it and store it for later when it doesnt match the consistency of prior behaviour. For instance 2 days ago she sent me a meme over imessage then later one I sent her This one in the evening, she got back to me next day afternoon but just asking how my day was going. I figured she either didnt get the image or just didnt respond, either way not a big deal to me so I didnt even mention the image and just moved forth cause it didnt mandate response. Then we were texting, and asked her something about her friend (within a body of text) the text was answered but not the part about her friend. Really again not a big deal and be totally benign. But then yesterday it was made obvious.

Wednesday night I shot her an audio while shes asleep (shes 5 hour time zone ahead right now) and then a sexual text message before bed click here. "when u were lil girl when did you first watch porn and were u a chronic porn watcher" Edit:these kind of questions between us are normal and weirder questions get asked on the norm, its almost amrunning joke as you can see next morning it goes unanswered so I re-emphasize it again to bring it to forefront so that it has to be obvious now that it is being ignored. she overtly ignores it again. So this time it was clearly intentional and made obvious so has to be addressed. I ignored her question and responded with the Z's.

Analysis

I want to detail my thought process so you guys can critique my perspective and if I should have seen things differently. I ignore her question about the girls that hang out with my boss's girlfriend and us when we are out and I respond with "Zzzzzz.....". That is my response because it is terse, almost tone neutral, and imo does not play into her frame as for me it is she is boring me with the way she is acting. I figure since things were getting more serious she is testing me to see if the progression of the relationship would cause me to become more emotionally turbulent if she acts out or withdraws sexually (like she is doing here). I figured if I ignored it again that she ignored my question then that moves beyond the realm of being "carefree and laid back and unreactive" and into the realm of being ok with being ignored and given dismal responses. On the other hand, I know she is trying to get a rise out of me so if I ask her whats wrong or directly address the issue it would be me capitulating to her emotions and she can just plausibly deny with "oh nothings wrong/I never received any of those texts/I havent gotten to it yet" and then I look very sensitive to her behaviours.

The issue here for me is that she crossed a boundary. She is a big girl and can make her own decisions and she doesnt have to answer any text or question she's not comfortable with (obviously not the issue here cause she opens up about this stuff in past) but ignoring it while acting cute is treating me with contempt and is disrespectful. So thus I gave her the Z's. She knows I have a low tolerance for disrespect and I have demonstrated that to her early in the past by sending her home after being 1 hour late to a date without any text (which she learned well from).

Next actions and finaly thoughts

She has not sent me a text since yesterday nor have I sent her one. I was thinking my next course of action will be for me to hold my ground and wait if she wants to reach out and text me as she's the one who disrespected me. My delimma is this: do I act like nothing happened and let the actions speak for themselves and let her piece together that if she does that again she gets my attention withdrawn. Or do I let her know I felt disrespected and that she knows what to expect when she disrespects me again, the latter option concerns me because while it directly addresses the issue and shows her how to act better, it gives an emotional pushback for her to feed off of which she can weaponize for the future if she ever wishes to push some buttons. Its amazing how much of a balancing act it is when asserting boundaries, too much withdraw or verbal confrontation shows actions get under skin, but too much inaction shows you are letting her push and push a bit more.

Edit: Im getting good responses here guys but can people specifically address the question of the topic and any additional feedback is great. Otherwise the odd tidbit of "your texting too much" doesnt actually answer the question at this moment in time.

Thanks for reading this guys and any feedback is appreciated