I'm freaking out so forgive the way this has been formatted.
I just got a text message from an ex-girlfriend who has been trying to get back together with me non-stop for the past couple weeks. We're talking 25 unanswered text/Facebook messages a day.
2 weeks ago, I was at home, killing a bottle of Bacardi Cherry like I always do on my days off as a newly minted 21 year old. In my drunken stupor, I got a message on Facebook from her, let's call her G. Well. G knew I was drunk. I made it clear. I always brag about how drunk I'm getting when I'm drunk because I'm an idoit. And. I also get super horny. So. I invited her over to sleep with me. And she didn't waste any time. I don't remember sleeping with her, but she said that we had sex 3 times.
I do remember waking up, extremely mad she was in my apartment. When she told me I had invited her and she showed me the messages, I was taken aback. Who would fuck someone as drunk as I was?
Now. She just hit me up saying she's missed her period and she's worried she's pregnant. This was the only time we had slept together in a month's period of time.
She also is supposed to be on a birth control, which she got off of, without informing me.
I record all my phone calls and I have all the messages from that night that proves I was way too drunk to make any decisions. But. I don't know what to do. If the tables was turned I would be going to jail. I was black out drunk.
Advice?
[+]GentleInAndOutMotion2 points [recovered] (6 children) | Copy Link
Alcoholic blackouts are a phenomenon of memory, not cognition. While it's possible she raped you while you were blackout drunk, this is not a certainty and she is presumably the only available witness. Your theories about whether you would or would not consent are as relevant as mine.
All that said, local laws may be so neo-regressive that you might still be able to press charges for rape. Or, alternatively, they might be so backwards that a woman raping a man is not recognized as a crime.
All that is a separate issue, as men who were raped by women have been forced to pay child support. Women who are child rapists are routinely granted primary custody of the children produced from the rape and then enabled by the state to abuse the victim financially for a further 18+ years of trauma.
Back to the topic at hand:
Entirely possible her sense of urgency was to try to get you to have sex with her before she got too far along and you'd easily figure out the fraud.
[+]HaveYouTriedNarcan1 points [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link
Good points. I'm working on getting a test lined up. She's determined that we should just raise a child together so I'm worried she's either trying to trap me or she's being dishonest.
On my end, I obviously do have various messages and phone calls that beyond a shadow of a doubt convey a very high level of intoxication, though I don't know the validity any of it would hold.
[–]bufedad 5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]chadwickofwv 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+]GentleInAndOutMotion1 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
Unless it's a paternity test, I'm not sure I'd put in the effort.
Okay. That shit needs to never ever happen regardless of anything else. Figure out if it would be a good or bad idea to explain to her that even if she really is pregnant and even if it's got your DNA y'all are not going to be getting back together and raising a family.
If anything, you'd want to dangle the possibility that this whole series of events has made you reconsider, but that you know right now isn't the time to have a kid with her (particularly not one that would serve as a constant reminder that she took advantage of you)... and once you know she's had an abortion you immediately taking your log of unwanted contact from her to file for a restraining order and block her on all the things.
[+]HaveYouTriedNarcan1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
That is EXACTLY what I'm doing.
[–]booyah2 6 points7 points8 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]tinkerzpy 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]booyah2 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]omegaphallic 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Dembara 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Northernrebel56 5 points6 points7 points (15 children) | Copy Link
[+]icandrive1552 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
Way to victim blame. /s
If you were a woman, your friends would be telling you to press charges because she straight up raped you. Too bad you are a man. You have the ability to make wise decisions whether you are drunk or sober.
[–]Northernrebel56 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[+]icandrive1551 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Lines got crossed. The second paragraph was me talking to OP and my post was not clear. Sorry. I'm a dude and was being sarcastic. I'm saying he's out of luck because he is a man.
[–]Northernrebel56 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+]HaveYouTriedNarcan1 points [recovered] (10 children) | Copy Link
You're telling the general idea here is that I'm just fucked?
[–]RonTomJohnson 5 points6 points7 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[+]HaveYouTriedNarcan1 points [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link
Hey buddy. I work in public safety. Like. Everyone is black out drunk when they're not at work. I just joined the party. I usually just get drunk with my coworkers. This was just a time where I was alone. I mean, I do have an okay government job though.
[–]RonTomJohnson 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[+]HaveYouTriedNarcan1 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
I appreciate your concern, honestly. It'll probably be a hot minute before I decide to drink again. I just thought I was enjoying being 21 and admittingly, I stayed pretty buzzed up until this week, but obviously there's at least some level of danger to what I figured was benign. I've already cancelled some nights out and I'm going to just work on making sure I'm not totally screwed and the I suppose I should probably work on drinking in moderation like a respectable idoit.
[–]RonTomJohnson 4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Northernrebel56 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]LongDistRider -1 points0 points1 point (2 children) | Copy Link
[+]HaveYouTriedNarcan1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
I don't think I have a drinking problem, I just turned 21. Like. In the past couple of weeks. I've just been enjoying the freedom to buy alcohol. I never thought something like this would ever happen.
[–]LongDistRider 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]KOMRADE_DIMITRI 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]josiasx 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]LongDistRider 2 points3 points4 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[+]HaveYouTriedNarcan1 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
Even thought she was stone cold sober and I was blackout drunk, what's the chance that I even have legal ground? I live in the south. I can't imagine the laws here favor me, even if I was drunk.
[–]LongDistRider 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]DougDante 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points0 points (0 children) | Copy Link