What I feel on a daily basis when I read and try to change myself into a more assertive person, I just can't see myself like that. It's almost embarrassing and cringe worthy to thing that I can be more assertive and in charge, both with my ltr and friends/family. I can't imagine what others would think if I acted like this.

What am I experiencing when I think these thoughts? What do I need to improve on? Thank you.