1. If we can “fix” all penises at birth, we have lifetime residual income because nature keeps providing us with circumcision fodder; i.e., intact baby boys. Must start cutting without permission, and if (when) we get called out for doing that, we’ll insist that every doctor bring up circumcision with every birth/every parent.

  2. Circumcision needs to be universal so that no one accurately knows what foreskin does or what circumcision takes, otherwise they may get curious or envious. We don’t want criticism or a loss of business.

  3. Even if circumcision only stays at 80 or 90%, human nature being what it is the peer pressure to cut/be cut will be enormous and will sustain our business. Never defend being intact. It’s in fact the better status, but keep that to ourselves and our sons.

  4. In order to calm parents about circumcision, insist that infants feel no pain and that circumcision provides solid benefits from one easy snip. Never admit to a slip-up. Tell parents that their son will thank them. Praise matching Dad. If Dad is intact, praise their choice to give their son an advantage.

  5. In order to scare parents about the intact penis, tell them it has to be painfully ripped back and cleaned daily from infancy, and even then a boy & adult will be prone to infections. Tell parents that later circumcision will be more costly (true), more painful (not true) and more risky (not true).

If we get the word out that an intact penis is more work, we get two benefits: more business at birth and more business later when parents cause pain and infections.

  1. Defending the indefensible is going to be fun and profitable. We get to play with words, hone our marketing skills, and aim for a goal of hoodwinking as many people as possible. They say you can’t fool all of the people all of the time... let’s make a sport of trying.

To befuddle the masses, we create a whole industry of running worthless and dishonest “studies” discrediting the natural penis. The things we can say about it are nearly endless, since few people will know what a foreskin is. Imagine the academic careers that will be built just on promoting unnecessary circumcision!

  1. The escape hatch if we get called out on our lies, damage and greed: tell everyone that we never “officially” recommended circumcision and that all bad decisions rested on the parents. We’re just for hire.

Lather, rinse, repeat.