Need Help and Resources for Finalizing Brief Essay on Men's Rights

iainmf · 2017-11-02T04:18:12+00:00

It a bit unstructured. It seems like a big list of examples more than a series of well-made points.

What is your main point?

SJW_Skeptic · 2017-11-02T15:10:55+00:00

I agree try to be selective in the argument. Focus on just a few issues

ShirleyMcGoogs · 2017-11-02T22:23:47+00:00

May I suggest a couple of things to strengthen your essay? (I grade them for a living).

First, the rubric gives you a rough structure with which to guide your essay.
-considering both sides of the argument
-consider philosophically the ways to rectify the issue and if we should
-The global ramifications of this
Therefore, I would suggest organizing your essay with that in mind. The teacher will be searching your essay to see if you addressed all of the points listed.

Second, from the first paragraph, it seems as though your central thesis is "men are being attacked in the First World, and that we should fight for gender equality by raising status rather than lowering it." This means you have to effectively argue that
a) men are being "attacked" in the "First World" and
b) the only solution to this problem is "fight[ing] for gender equality by raising status rather than lowering it."
So, for your first point, you should clarify what you mean by "attacked". Are women physically attacking men? It's a flexible term with many meanings, and I gather you are using it in a more abstract way. You could say "Men are being demeaned/degraded within developed societies." The terms "first world" and "third world" aren't used in an academic context much anymore (at least when I was in college). More commonly used are "developed" and "under developed" countries.

Third, you need to “consider both sides of the argument”. How would a feminist approach this issue? They would not disagree with some of your points.

With respect to child-rearing responsibilities, they would say that parents play an equal role, and should be treated thusly in court. The argument that men should pay more in child-support just because they are men would not hold up in any U.S. court. Child support payments in the US are most often determined by the Income Share Model and the Percentage of Income Model. It is generally agreed that women make less then men (17% less, according to Pew Research), so it stands to reason that, on average, women would pay less child support as it relates to their income. (Sidenote: The argument about the wage gap generally revolves around why it happens, not that the gap doesn’t exist.) As for your example regarding the Canadian case, you never state what the woman’s income was, or accounted for additional expenses with relation to custody. With an example like that, it is best to cite your source for clarity.

With respect to the draft, the majority of feminists believe that it should be a requirement as well. Around 80% of the positions in the U.S. military are non-combat roles, and 95% of the positions in the military are open to woman. You should reference a feminist source that takes a position of male-only drafts (I couldn't find one, only a few suggesting the US abandon the draft permanently and maintain a fully volunteer force.)

A feminist would condone the statement that men are “expected to be the provider and protector” because, on equal footing, that should be a burden shared equally between parents. By fighting for equal opportunities in the workplace, women want to be able to provide and protect. A feminist would not put those labels or expectations on men, just as they don’t want to be pigeonholed as the “home-maker” or “care giver”. It’s not that men and women don’t gravitate toward certain roles, it’s that feminists want it to be both the man and woman’s choice, equally, on what role they play in a family.

As for the Duke University case, that is generally taught in poli-sci/law courses and a giant fuck up by the police and campus administration. The players involved received millions in settlements after suing both the school and city for damages (and rightly so). I don’t think I’ve ever heard, from a feminist resource or otherwise, a defense for the actions of the police/school toward the players.

There is definitely a heated debate surrounding campus policies on sexual assault. I won’t get too in the weeds, but this is a debate also being had within feminist circles. A common issue that is brought up relates to campus police/crisis centers versus city police. (“Why can’t a student who is sexually assaulted take their accusation to the police instead of the university?”) Police often have backlogs in analyzing rape kits, which is often the main source of evidence in campus sexual assaults. These kits don’t just identify DNA/presence of semen, but also note other trauma (scratch marks, bruising, vaginal tears, etc.). So if it takes a police dept. three months to a year to analyze your rape kit, that would mean that you have to potentially attend class with your attacker and/or live down the hall from them. Campus programs attempt to address this by allowing the victim to change their housing and schedule without any academic repercussions.

Finally, you argue in your thesis that the solution to mens' problem is to “fight for gender equality by raising status rather than lowering it.” This hits the 2nd requirement in the rubric, but you are a little vague in this point. I am guessing that you're addressing this in your fifth paragraph (“practice” and “preach”), but you don’t offer any specifics as far as legal changes or changes in mens' representation in media. On a personal level, you state that one has to “treat both sexes equally, be polite, and can take the ‘not guilty until proven innocent’ approach.” I assume you mean the “innocent until proven guilty” approach, which is the standard in all U.S. courts of law. As far as being polite and treating both sexes equally, well, this is the general definition of feminism. (Congrats, you’re a feminist!)

Just my two cents.

Edit: formatting

Title	Need Help and Resources for Finalizing Brief Essay on Men's Rights
Author	AtemAndrew
Upvotes	7
Comments	6
Date	November 2, 2017 3:24 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/7a8xeu/need_help_and_resources_for_finalizing_brief/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/need-help-and-resources-for-finalizing-brief-essay.911973 https://theredarchive.com/post/911973

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