It is a risk but it is a risk for both persons in the marriage. Just remember, reddit can be very toxic and very myopic. Stick to your beliefs, just remember it's worth experiencing some things for yourself sometimes. That's not to say try out marriage and get divorced before you form your decision. Just don't let what you read here get in the way of your own happiness. I hope for the best for you!
Oh duh, yea I should've answered your post in full.
Well the first thing is, it was a joint decision (actually I was the one that suggested it), to have her give up a career to run the household full time. She didn't just suddenly decide that she was going to stay at home and not work anymore.
Her staying home with the child all day is NOT the easy life at all. Our son is very rambunctious and requires an eye on him nearly all the time. Other than his mid-day nap there are no breaks for her. On the flip side, I get to go to work for 8 hours. There are breaks for me. I get to pause and read reddit or browse the net from time to time. From my standpoint, my day is much more relaxed and easier than hers.
So she ends a career but still has a full-time job and that full-time job doesn't start at 9 and end at 5. It starts from the time my son wakes up, and ends when he goes to bed. This is usually 7am to 8pm.
If it sounds like I'm exaggerating, I'm not. Parenting is very rewarding but very tough.
So let's say something happens, our relationship dwindles and we get a divorce. Let's also say she gets custody. In Texas she'll get 3 years alimony and child support until my son turns 18. Neither of those will cover the monthly expenses of raising a child. So now, she's a primary caretaker of a child and has a huge gap in her resume due to a decision we both made, and suddenly has to find a job. The 3 years of alimony will buy her some time to find a job and start building up a career. The child support is for our son (you know, my fuck trophy) so I'd happily pay for that. I can't guarantee the money is used purely for my son but, in my case, my wife isn't the person to let our son suffer for her benefit. This isn't true for all marriages so I can respect the anger at how child support is handled.
Hopefully I've demonstrated that a divorce isn't some magical payday for my wife. She'd be screwed without the alimony to float her until she establishes a career. It is a huge risk for her too. The risk is not all on me. We're doing better than the majority of people in this country according to figures on the distribution of wealth and average salaries, but we ain't rich and she's not getting a huge payday out of a divorce.
As far as my loss of benefits (made home/meals/stable environment), this isn't the 1950s. We alternate cooking dinner while the other does bath and bedtime with the kid. She does a majority of the housework, but that's not to say I don't put in effort. My life isn't purely work 9-5 (7-3 in my case) and relax and do nothing. Any benefits I receive are purely based on an agreement between us for me to be the primary breadwinner while she acts as the primary homemaker. I shouldn't expect her to come over and make me dinner and clean my house post-divorce just as she can't expect to never work again post-divorce.
Divorce is a shit-show for both persons in a marriage. It's messy, awful, traumatic, and just sucks. The divorce laws we have aren't perfect but they're an attempt to even out the loss of benefits that both persons in a marriage experience.
Men who think there are no women worth spending your time with have exactly the same problem they think all women have. There is no shortage of boring, lame, selfish and abusive people of any gender. Be a good person and you will attract good people.
Which is a good concept in theory, but in practice you get posts like this, which is just straight up disgusting sexism. And it gets upvoted to the front of the sub.
[–]We_Google 5 points6 points7 points (19 children) | Copy Link
[–]Muun points [recovered] (17 children) | Copy Link
Men going their own way. I'm not. Happily married.
[–]ShiningConcepts 0 points1 point2 points (16 children) | Copy Link
[–]Muun points [recovered] (15 children) | Copy Link
Do you speak from experience?
[–]ShiningConcepts 2 points3 points4 points (14 children) | Copy Link
[–]Muun points [recovered] (9 children) | Copy Link
How old are you? Do you have any kids? Your view of divorce seems really warped and I can't imagine it comes from anywhere but reddit.
[–]NaughtyFred 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ShiningConcepts 0 points1 point2 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]Muun points [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link
That's fair. Thanks for answering!
It is a risk but it is a risk for both persons in the marriage. Just remember, reddit can be very toxic and very myopic. Stick to your beliefs, just remember it's worth experiencing some things for yourself sometimes. That's not to say try out marriage and get divorced before you form your decision. Just don't let what you read here get in the way of your own happiness. I hope for the best for you!
[–]ShiningConcepts 5 points6 points7 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Muun points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
Oh duh, yea I should've answered your post in full.
Well the first thing is, it was a joint decision (actually I was the one that suggested it), to have her give up a career to run the household full time. She didn't just suddenly decide that she was going to stay at home and not work anymore.
Her staying home with the child all day is NOT the easy life at all. Our son is very rambunctious and requires an eye on him nearly all the time. Other than his mid-day nap there are no breaks for her. On the flip side, I get to go to work for 8 hours. There are breaks for me. I get to pause and read reddit or browse the net from time to time. From my standpoint, my day is much more relaxed and easier than hers.
So she ends a career but still has a full-time job and that full-time job doesn't start at 9 and end at 5. It starts from the time my son wakes up, and ends when he goes to bed. This is usually 7am to 8pm.
If it sounds like I'm exaggerating, I'm not. Parenting is very rewarding but very tough.
So let's say something happens, our relationship dwindles and we get a divorce. Let's also say she gets custody. In Texas she'll get 3 years alimony and child support until my son turns 18. Neither of those will cover the monthly expenses of raising a child. So now, she's a primary caretaker of a child and has a huge gap in her resume due to a decision we both made, and suddenly has to find a job. The 3 years of alimony will buy her some time to find a job and start building up a career. The child support is for our son (you know, my fuck trophy) so I'd happily pay for that. I can't guarantee the money is used purely for my son but, in my case, my wife isn't the person to let our son suffer for her benefit. This isn't true for all marriages so I can respect the anger at how child support is handled.
Hopefully I've demonstrated that a divorce isn't some magical payday for my wife. She'd be screwed without the alimony to float her until she establishes a career. It is a huge risk for her too. The risk is not all on me. We're doing better than the majority of people in this country according to figures on the distribution of wealth and average salaries, but we ain't rich and she's not getting a huge payday out of a divorce.
As far as my loss of benefits (made home/meals/stable environment), this isn't the 1950s. We alternate cooking dinner while the other does bath and bedtime with the kid. She does a majority of the housework, but that's not to say I don't put in effort. My life isn't purely work 9-5 (7-3 in my case) and relax and do nothing. Any benefits I receive are purely based on an agreement between us for me to be the primary breadwinner while she acts as the primary homemaker. I shouldn't expect her to come over and make me dinner and clean my house post-divorce just as she can't expect to never work again post-divorce.
Divorce is a shit-show for both persons in a marriage. It's messy, awful, traumatic, and just sucks. The divorce laws we have aren't perfect but they're an attempt to even out the loss of benefits that both persons in a marriage experience.
[–]diphiminaids -1 points0 points1 point (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ShiningConcepts 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]muttstuff 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]ShiningConcepts 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Lemon_Cakes_JuJutsu 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ShiningConcepts 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ShiningConcepts 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]dsteinhiser 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]-redditardation- 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]gpunotpsu points [recovered] (7 children) | Copy Link
Men who think there are no women worth spending your time with have exactly the same problem they think all women have. There is no shortage of boring, lame, selfish and abusive people of any gender. Be a good person and you will attract good people.
[–]MrWoofles 2 points3 points4 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]ShaunTighe points [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link
Which is a good concept in theory, but in practice you get posts like this, which is just straight up disgusting sexism. And it gets upvoted to the front of the sub.
[–]Lyri -2 points-1 points0 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]MrWoofles 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ShaunTighe points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Think you meant to reply to the other guy?
[–]Lyri -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SolongStarbird 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ShaunTighe points [recovered] (8 children) | Copy Link
Wow, that subreddit is just straight up sexism. Disgusting.
[–]NaughtyFred 4 points5 points6 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]ShaunTighe points [recovered] (6 children) | Copy Link
I don't think there is any feminist subs on here that have anything near as bad as something like this.
[–]NaughtyFred 1 point2 points3 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]ShaunTighe points [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link
Explain?
[–]NaughtyFred 1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]ShaunTighe points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
Ah, my bad. You do have a point, although when I voiced my opinion on there I was just told to go to /r/bluepill.
[–]NaughtyFred 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link