Ex-FWB [22 F] pregnant, lied about an abortion, kept pregnancy from me. Need advice [21 M]

[deleted] · 2017-06-14T18:29:08+00:00

To start, sue her for your half of the abortion money she admittedly stole. That may seem like small potatatoes compared to what else going on, but that judgment is something you could put in your back pocket for when lies & deceit come from her again. Go no contact until the paternity comes back. I'm still not convinced there is a real pregnancy here. If there is and it's yours, do not consider getting back into a relationship, co-parent only as she clearly has disqualifying problems.

Coach-Red-Pill · 2017-06-14T20:16:34+00:00

Christ, it's just a bastard. Don't overthink this so much.

Legally, you never should have done the paternity test. Now you're on the hook—but you can get off the hook, if you're steely and resolved.

Be sure her BB bf puts his name on the birth certificate—that's the key thing you have to focus on. Sweet talk your FWB, convince her you'd be a terrible father and that her current bf would be much better both for the child and for her. Be magnanimous about “not wanting to get in the way of the happiness of your beautiful future family”. Insist the BB bf be present at the birth “to give you comfort and emotional support”—while you stay about 1,000 miles away from the delivery room. The bf will likely get pressured by the hospital staff to put his name on the birth certificate (happens all the time). With his name on the birth cert., the child will legally be his problem.

That's how you deal with your situation.

Look, spawning a few bastards is part of life (if you're doing it right). The issue isn't to avoid bastards—the issue is to avoid having a financial or emotional commitment to them or their mother.

In my case? I've got a couple of bastards—being raised by other men, one wittingly, one not so much. And I have two children of my own—which I'm positive are mine. (Trust but verify—and a very big Thank you, Sir Alec Jeffreys, may you live long and prosper.)

You think I'm being a cold-hearted bastard? Yeah, I am—in fact I have to be: Because no one is looking out for my best interests. I have to do that for myself.

You should too.

Hope this helps. Best of luck. Sincerely.

Rhynovirus · 2017-06-14T20:02:04+00:00

How'd she fake the receipt?

Paternity test, hope its not you.
If it is you got some tough choices and this sub is not for you anymore, Dad.

chachaChad · 2017-06-14T18:46:44+00:00

Well lucky you! You just earned yourself a chance to test how much of a man you are.

Never leave BC to someone else. That's on you.
It was her choice to have the abortion or not. You don't get a say. She kept the cash because she didn't want to tell. Let it go.
Paternity test is mandatory but don't be surprised if it is yours.
Great! She wants to co-parent that's great news. Take her up on that.
Work out child support with her. If this is your kind, it's your responsibility.
She's been known to sleep around - so what? She's an adult. You would too if someone offered. Stop shaming her in your mind. You're now going to have a long relationship with her and you need her on your side.
Yup, if you don't step up, some other guy is going to totally parent your child. When children don't handle their responsibilities, adults have to step in and clean up. You need to be able work with her and whoever her boyfriend is in the future without being a dick to either one of them. If you do step up, you still won't be able to do all the parenting but you'll still be there. What do you think your kid with think of you in 20 years?
Glad to hear the grandparents are happy. You need to get your head in that same space.
Excuses... school... regret proper wife... whawhawha... dry you eyes little boy... you fucked up and now you have to stand up and take responsibility for that.
She lied. She lied because she was afraid not because she's some unholy monster. Get over it.
Start educating yourself about how to be the best part time dad you can be.

FYI... I got a girl pregnant 29 years ago. I went to reach for condoms and stopped when she told me we didn't need them because she was the last person to get pregnant. Dumb decision on my part. I didn't stick around like a total coward. Later, when my daughter was 22, she contacted me and I met her a few times. I failed to be a parent to her a second time and couldn't find a way to include in my life. How I've treated her is the single biggest regret in my entire life and haunts me every fucking day. I wish I would have taken the advise I've just given you but I didn't.

Been in therapy now for the last year. Just left the first appointment with my wife at noon. We're doing couples consoling and one of the major issues we're working on is my estranged daughter. It's not going to be easy but I have to do it. I haven't had any contact with her in years but I'm hoping that she'll forgive me and that she wants me in her life somehow.

Don't run from your responsibilities. Be a man and own your shit. Don't be me.

carterrockhouse · 2017-06-15T03:15:11+00:00

Worst case scenario: she hits you up for child support 10 years down the road when your income is the highest you've ever made and the judge orders 10 years back child support at that rate.

Instant $50k (or extremely more) debt, that goes in your credit report, that collects interest, that could also cause you to lose your liscense, etc.

Best advice, find out if this is your kid. If it is, prepare yourself for child support by keeping your income low until it gets settled. You don't have to be in the kids life, but depending on which state or country you live in, back child support can be crippling!

Sersiously! I just found out last year I have an 8 year old son I didn't know about. She requested back child support. Luckily, in my state they can only go back two years. Some states allow all the way to birth, and some states don't allow it. Fortunantly I proved she had another man tested (thank you Maury) and that saved me from an instant 30k in debt that collects 12% interest and would have went as a judgement on my credit.

This is some serious shit you're in. Find out if it's your child ASAP! And if it is, adjust your income to get child support set as low as possible.

She may say she won't go after you for child support, but the state/government will! All she has to do is apply for benefits and name you as the dad....

Forcetobereckonedwit · 2017-06-15T01:59:48+00:00

Sigh...

You're fucked.

It's going to be a hard row to hoe any way it goes. Sorry. If the test comes back that you are the father, you will always be the father. Whether or not you choose to be a "Dad" is up to you. I would suggest doing the best you can to do so while NOT allowing yourself to be a doormat. Your child has no guilt in this, so remember that. He/she will know you are his/her father and look to you for something. Do the best you can manage but again, do NOT let "mom" yank your chain over this...and believe me, she will.

Kommanderdude · 2017-06-14T18:22:15+00:00

Never believe a girl when she tells you she's on bc unless you actually see her taking it. Might sound crazy but I pay attention to my live in ltr's birth control habits and make sure she takes her daily pill. Also don't be a bitch and go for abortion. That's a beta move to try and deprive someone else of life because you fucked up. At least the fwb had some sense in that regard.

Title	Ex-FWB [22 F] pregnant, lied about an abortion, kept pregnancy from me. Need advice [21 M]
Author	fishoilbro
Upvotes	9
Comments	34
Date	June 14, 2017 6:12 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/6h9b8w/exfwb_22_f_pregnant_lied_about_an_abortion_kept/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/ex-fwb-22-f-pregnant-lied-about-an-abortion-kept.92622 https://theredarchive.com/post/92622

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