Any advice for male victim of domestic abuse?

MizterUltimaman · 2017-01-18T13:56:24+00:00

Go to a women's shelter, and tell them that your anonymous women friend (who is actually you) is being abused by her boyfriend (who is actually your ex). Ask for advice for your "friend".

crabpipe · 2017-01-18T20:14:58+00:00

From someone that survived an abusive girlfriend - it takes time. But it also takes healing; consider speaking to a therapist and find someone that can help you process the trauma and grief, you cannot do it alone. I should know, I tried.

iainmf · 2017-01-18T10:49:35+00:00

That sucks man.

I can't really help but I did find this video of Tom Golden talking about the way men deal with their emotions quite enlightening.

Imnotmrabut · 2017-01-18T14:07:53+00:00

When people escape abuse situations they have not left the abuse behind. As a rule of thumb, for each year you have been abused you need at least 1 month recovery and often it can be Year for Year.

One thing that proves useful to many is to know that when dealing with long term abuse you develop "Tunnel Vision" as a survival strategy. Many assume that Tunnel Vision vanishes when you are out of the abusive environment, but that is wrong, It often continues at varying degrees afterwards.

This Tunnel Vision keeps you focused on what you need to do to survive in the situation. It also limits your ability to see the ways out of the situation. It's a pattern seen in Front Line Military. It's a natural behaviour when dealing with long term stress and danger. It became quite an Issue with the Vietnam War with soldiers going from battle front to home in as little as 24 hours with no recovery time.

Knowing that you may be missing escape routes and help allows them to become more visible - so know that you have been programmed by your situation to have tunnel vision and that there are things around you that will allow you to have a better future.

contractor808 · 2017-01-18T14:10:52+00:00

Do not date people similar to your last abusive partner. Ever. This is the one thing you have 100% control over. It is very important to recognize bad behavior so you can avoid it in the future.

superzepto · 2017-01-18T15:05:10+00:00

I too was in a long term relationship with multiple instances of abuse. I also lived with my ex girlfriend, which made it easier for her to isolate and manipulate me.

I don't know how great my advice will be, but I feel compelled to offer it anyway.

As hard as it may seem, find a way to open up to your close friends and immediate family about what happened. Even though very few of them will be able to understand what you've been through, their love and compassion for you will make it easier for you to find the words to talk to them about it. My ex isolated me from my friends and family, so it wasn't until the week after we broke up that I found the courage to tell them.

Also, don't feel that you need to explain everything to them at once. Tell them what you're comfortable telling them, and answer the questions you're comfortable answering. It's been a year and a half since I escaped, and it was only six months ago that I found the words to tell my parents that my ex had beaten me every day, and three months ago that I told them about the time she tried to kill me (and very nearly succeeded).

It is extremely important that you seek counselling/therapy sometime in the near future. It took me a year to start therapy, the only reason I started was because I was diagnosed with PTSD and I knew that if I didn't get help I would be a danger to myself.

Whatever you do, stay away from hard drugs and alcohol. I feel like a hypocrite for even saying that but please learn from my mistakes - no quantity of any drug will alleviate the pain and/or suffering you feel. The ONLY drug that helped take the edge off without presenting a mental and physical danger was cannabis. If you're in a state where it's legalised, I highly recommend finding a sativa or sativa-dominant strain. Just don't go overboard, and always take the advice of your doctor over people giving you advise on the internet!

Please know that you are not alone,and that you will overcome this. You will learn to love and trust and be happy again. I'm not 100% recovered but I've started the processes that lead to recovery. I don't know what you've been through specifically (nor should you feel obliged to tell me) but I really feel for you and I will keep you in my thoughts.

Feel free to send me a PM if you need to talk more. I hope I've been of some help to you!

S

Title	Any advice for male victim of domestic abuse?
Author	flanders92
Upvotes	6
Comments	6
Date	January 17, 2017 10:45 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/5oldb2/any_advice_for_male_victim_of_domestic_abuse/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/any-advice-for-male-victim-of-domestic-abuse.933846 https://theredarchive.com/post/933846

Comments