(long read warning)

Hi,

I'm a 25 yo man, currently not in the best peak of my life. For some (or many) reasons: I'm alone, broke as fuck and to boost, the country where I live is also fucked up regarding jobs and economics in general.

I had contact with the TRP ten days ago while searching for "monk mode", I thought about focusing on fixing some of my flaws before trying to pursue any kind of relationship. I've been isolated for quite the time, albeit just struggling, not improving in any sense besides reading philosophy.

As I read TRP, I came along texts criticizing monk mode in general, because awkward (as in, beta) men usually use it as an excuse to being lonely with virtue. At first it hit me in the spot, but after some thought, I'm reconsidering it.

Two months ago I got a part-time job after a 6 years pause (4 for university, 2 for nothing). The paycheck is really low, about 200$ per month. As such, I'm living with my family again. I quit university in the last year because it was one of the things ( I argue the most) that lead me to this current state. I really felt out of the loop. That included teachers, colleagues and ofc girls. I managed to get some dates while there, but after the second year my hatred, delusion and apathy were too much. In due time I got fucking depressed and thoughts about killing people or/and myself were common place. Even then, I struggled and got to the last year.

I planned to move to a bigger city to pursue an internship and in order to do that, I planned to spent a month in my parent's home to rent a new place, buy some clothes and recharge my batteries. On one afternoon while I was taking a nap, cops raided into my folk's place because my father was in possession of drugs, he was hiding it in the dog's house. I was the only one at home at the time, I didn't know shit but I got arrested. I spent 40 days in jail. Got a provisional release and tried to continue my studies. 30 days after, the p.l. was revoked and I ended up waiting a year for my trial while being a fucking outlaw. My father didn't fled, but if he confessed, we both would be acused of drug dealing, so I needed to wait for the trial.

I was acquitted in due time, but I took quite the hit. I tried returning to my university again, but to no avail. I decided to quit for now and focus on working, my plan was to start a freelance web development business. It didn't took off, I was not prepared emotionally nor financially.

I'm between a rock and a hard place. Deadlocked.

To me, monk mode seems to be a way to focus myself on improving until I have enough savings to properly start my small business while working in my shit part-time job as a teacher.

What do you think? Any input and/or advice will be appreciated, thanks for you time.