My ex girlfriend is pregnant, and I need to vent

TheDude41 · 2016-05-12T02:44:52+00:00

You need a paternity test.

It's unfortunate that "comprehensive" sex education these days is intentionally not comprehensive.

Really, they go out of their way to keep boys ignorant about things that are important for their self-protection, such as paternity testing (how and when that can be performed), never trusting women with birth control (because women can intentionally omit it), child custody, men's treatment in family courts, false allegations of rape, and pretty much anything else that would be of importance to boys and men.

Comprehensive sex education is unfortunately a ladies-first matriarchal cesspool of instruction that only feigns at being complete. Worse, they let young men believe that they have been taught what is important, when in reality, nothing could be further from the truth. And intentionally so.

2016-05-12T02:36:40+00:00

I know you said you weren't specifically looking for advice or comfort or anything, but figured it was worthwhile to make a post.

Hopefully your friends and family have the capacity to realise that someone not immediately turning around to someone they've broken up with who has gotten pregnant and working out the finances isn't not "owning up to [one's] responsibilities", but being a normal human being confronted with potentially life-changing information. If they don't, especially after she's apparently tried to say that the situation is "your fault", as if she has no responsibility herself, they weren't really worth it in the first place.

If she isn't going to get an abortion, then you need to accept that and begin thinking about what you want your role to be. How much a part of the child's life are you going to be? Are you going to want a custody arrangement when the child is no longer breastfeeding (if that's the plan)? And what do you want it to be while breastfeeding (having the kid for a few hours x days a week, etc?) If the mother were to move, would you contest for primary custody? What would you need to do for that to be an option? Naturally, I'm not aware of the full extent of the relationship, but from what you've posted here, it's probably worth avoiding getting back together. The "child to solve relationship problems" trick doesn't work, especially when one party wasn't even wanting that to begin with.

Also, you may want to consider getting a paternity test. Others may try and guilt you over it as they may think you should just accept what she says, but this is about you knowing what your relationship to the child is. Your ex has already shown you that she can't be relied upon to tell the truth, and you and the child have a right to know. Getting the test may be challenged (not sure of the rules where you are), so you may need to seek a court order. If your state has one of those "responsible father" register things, you may want to look into getting the ball rolling on that as well.

Lastly, if possible try and focus on the positive (if for no one other than your self). It is a big change, but few people's lives go entirely to plan. Plus you get a kid! Kids are fun! (Ok, I can't offer much insight here). And you may not need to abandon your plans; people today are more accepting of children out of wedlock as long as it isn't the lovechild to a mistress or whatever. Not sure how well "look at how bad this guy is, being a part of his child's life that was accidentally conceived by a former partner" would go over as a political attack these days :P

dianamo11 · 2016-05-12T02:38:39+00:00

I'm not going to say anything about the shoulda coulda woulda part other than you should never leave contraception up to anyone but yourself, especially not a broken up ex who is an ex for a reason. That being said, I'm sorry this happened, but get on top of it now. Establish a parenting plan that benefits both of you, figure out the money situation, because otherwise she will eat you alive in court (because judges favor women, duh). And don't give up on your political aspirations. Be an example for your kid that perseverance pays off. You'll be ok. I promise. Just don't let her get the drop on you right out of the gate. Good luck.

mjsansai · 2016-05-12T04:55:45+00:00

I have been giving the following advise in my little corner of the world for 20 years. Have a vasectomy at the age of consent 18, in most places and have it reversable and most important have sperm entrusted to a sperm bank for your use only, destroyed upon your death or with your consent

TheRavenousRabbit · 2016-05-12T08:22:26+00:00

She's after benefits and child support, dude...

Title	My ex girlfriend is pregnant, and I need to vent
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	15
Comments	7
Date	May 12, 2016 1:47 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/4iye27/my_ex_girlfriend_is_pregnant_and_i_need_to_vent/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/my-ex-girlfriend-is-pregnant-and-i-need-to-vent.949758 https://theredarchive.com/post/949758

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