My friend is being beaten/abused by his wife (UK) and has videos but the police are prosecuting him?

aesopstortoise · 2015-07-14T16:57:46+00:00

Your friend needs a lawyer, and to be told - DO NOT TALK TO THE POLICE - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wXkI4t7nuc

DukeMaximum · 2015-07-14T19:16:55+00:00

If I may, I recommend posting about this in /r/legaladviceuk.

In any case, he needs to get a lawyer immediately.

eaton80 · 2015-07-15T03:47:25+00:00

There are loads of videos of her hitting him and others of her pretending to be hit/screaming so that the neighbors hear her.

Isn't Marriage grand?

RufusMaxamillion · 2015-07-22T21:16:04+00:00

Good evening one and all, thanks for the comments gents. I am the person referred to in the main topic. I have spent 15 years as an abused spouse. It's started with simple control, total financial control, never had a car in my name in 22 years, never had insurance in my name, no mobile phone in my name. If I displeased her she would at will, remove any of these privileges and more, confiscating laptops, musical instruments (I'm a professional musician) reduction of my social circle to being allowed out 1 night a year at Christmas, she classed me playing in bands as a social life and not work. Over the years her punishments increased and started to be accompanied by threats of telling the police I was hitting her. She came from a previous marriage where she was hit and beaten quite badly but she used to threaten me with "I got rid of one husband with domestic abuse I cannot get rid of you" I used to accept her ability to throw me out the house at will, making it almost impossible, basically leave and take your stuff but you can't use a car. We owned a 2nd property and it was most derelict at one point and I moved into there but was told to get out of it too. Anyway after a number of years the abuse was increased and I sought legal advice. The solicitor wrote to her and told her to stop the threats and abuse act, and outlined she was entitled to 50% of the estate as she always threatened she would keep the house and all the assets. He advised me to start videoing her behaviour. The same situations continued until 2.5 years ago when I started to stand my ground and started calling 999. The first few times even though I called them, they always entered the house sympathetic to her and always dominant towards me. It took approx 1.5 years of calls to the police before I actually felt believed and supported by them in the last year they were I have to say great, we lived across the road from the local station so they were sociable to myself after they started to respond positively. In this 2.5 years period she had been excluded from the home on numerous occasions for her abuse, attempted arrests 3 times when I always dropped the charges due to her extreme claustrophobia, she genuinely has serious issues with restraints or locked doors but last year I did the same after she went berserk and smashed the house up, police came, went to arrest her for domestic abuse, I again dropped the charges but I think they were sick of me dropping the charges and they arrested her for breech of the peace. There have been a few further instances but I fled the home in secrecy three weeks ago. She changed every lock on the house including the shed. She took a day off work and engineered yet another confrontation. Anyway after trying to gain access she called the police they came I stated I was entitled to enter, she had changed the locks which was illegal and they were denying my civil rights which they are bound to uphold but they refused me access, my solicitor told me to put a complaint straight in about the officers. The following week I notified her I wanted access, called 101 and had two officers present with the hope that she would deny access again, I'd have police witness's but she had served a non mollestation order on me. After everything I've been through, including nervous breakdown in January after she returned home after 6 weeks out the house to mentally torture me with stories of sexual encounters with an ex student of mine and an old school friend, showing me pictures and reading out emails from them. This long with constant screaming removal of vehicle privileges etc. I'd had enough, took to serious over the counter medication abuse combined with pound land vodka. I was sectioned and had numerous trips in ambulances to the emergency care unit. Completely beaten down to submission and feeling like there was nothing to continue for. This last week after being served the court order I'm heading down the same route, it's amazing someone once to me , no matter how much evidence you have (I have videos and audio recordings and emails galore of her pretending I'm beating her while I'm locked alone I the bathroom, her smashing the house up, punching me in the face, attacking me over and over) the courts and police ALWAYS believe the crying woman. I feel like I've wasted 22 years of my life and especially the last 2.5 years of reporting the abuse , bearing in mind I've never been arrested reported or removed from the home on one occasion, she's submitted no evidence on the court order it's all anecdotal and fiction yet they still made the order without even notifying me. I'm not even going to contest it I really have no will to sit in a room with that person and a magistrate and argue anymore. You ever had that feeling that you are so fucked you might as well give up? I am so tired of fighting and she has wiped out 2.5 years of police action against her with one court order. Ducking useless. Such a biased system and as a man in an abusive relationship I have no rights, little or no support and now despite the proof evidence and police records I am now under suspicion. I really give up. No point at all.

MRSPArchiver · 2015-07-14T16:19:55+00:00

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Sasha_ · 2015-07-14T23:19:54+00:00

Do they have children? If so, he could try the FNF helpline.

http://www.fnf.org.uk/law-information-2/free-legal-references

tallwheel · 2015-07-15T01:58:24+00:00

shrink4men.com and AVFM? They have successfully gotten needed attention to other cases before. Not sure if your friend is at that point yet, but at least for now browsing shrink4men, posting on the forum there, or maybe contacting Dr. T. couldn't hurt. They are located in the U.S., but may be able to provide some psychological assistance if nothing else.

adebisi2015 · 2015-07-18T10:14:07+00:00

Sorry everyone, not updated yet. He is going to speak with a lawyer he has it on a recording that she has done it before (to her last husband) and will do it again so he is hopeful that he can win this.

Title	My friend is being beaten/abused by his wife (UK) and has videos but the police are prosecuting him?
Author	adebisi2015
Upvotes	42
Comments	12
Date	July 14, 2015 4:19 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/3d9ojt/my_friend_is_being_beatenabused_by_his_wife_uk/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/my-friend-is-being-beatenabused-by-his-wife-uk-and.975445 https://theredarchive.com/post/975445

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