Need practical advice on how to proceed with soft next.

LTR has been acting up lately and essentially blew me off recently for the first time due to logistical change that was out of my control. I overtly communicated my displeasure with her and how she handled the situation. She admitted wrong and apologized.

Next instance was my loss of frame after a long time of holding strong. I went to initiate sex and although she was receptive, it was clear she had no interest. I lose frame, engage in an argument about it.

Had two more following minor disagreements (I held frame very well in these). All this over the course of two weeks. Disagreements and arguments are extremely rare for us in general.

With that said, I have not provided actual consequence/negative reinforcement for her actions other than overtly speaking about it and her essentially getting to apologize with everything going back to normal. I've realized this as a weakness and was getting sick of her recent shitty behavior. Recognized I needed to follow through with ACTUAL consequence. Decided today after a minor argument enough was enough and told her such. We were supposed to spend the night together. She already had an attitude on the phone and I called her out on it, told her this was all unexpectable and I had no desire to be around someone like this and that after last night (+previous events) I no longer wanted to spend the night together and wanted a night to myself. She was clearly shocked and responded predictably at first getting upset. Told her I had to go and hung up. Not 5 minutes later, she calls balling her eyes out and asks why I'm being so mean to her. I keep the call short tell her I'm not being mean at all, that we'll speak tomorrow. She asks if I would at least text her later, I said "if I felt like it".

  • How did I handle the situation as a whole? The overt vs covert approaches are very confusing. I'm not quite sure which situations warrant which. I thought since this was a clear violation/behavior issue on her part, I would go overt and remove any time she would get from me.

  • How would you handle the remainder of that days communication until the next day when you said you would see her? As in, keep communication to a minimum but act unaffected and all the usual (goodnight, etc) or NO communication at all until the next day? Again, I judged the severity of the action and deemed some communication was warranted.

  • Some of you will be quick to shout onities! I'm well aware. I have emotional investment in her but do get pussy on the side. I'm not looking for these comments. This had been an amazing learning experience and I want to get everything I can out of it.