It's usually not men's fault that they are lonely and can't find a partner

280 points•1,058 comments•submitted by Diligent_Divide_4978 to r/TrueUnpopularOpinion

Note: Numbers within brackets indicate corresponding sources, all of which are linked in the "Sources" section.

I see comments from men like “it’s dating apps fault!” And “women are just too picky nowadays”. “Women have too many options”.

As a man, dating apps absolutely do contribute towards hookup culture.

HOWEVER, the reason women have become a lot more selective with the men they choose is because societal norms have completely changed since our grandparents generation.

Speaking to my aunt recently, in the 1970’s and 80’s all you needed as a man was a decent job to attract a wife. That’s it. As long as you had gainful employment and could play the provider role, that was basically the only requirement needed for a woman to settle down.

Today, women have their own careers. Women graduate university at higher rates than men do. Women own property. Women pay their own rent. Women pay their own bills.

“Having an ok job to pay for your wife or girlfriend” is no longer impressive, it is now considered the bare minimum.

And with the rise of discussion around mental health, some women may seek men who are emotional providers, but the truth is more complicated. Are you emotionally mature? Will you actually listen when women speak? Are you an engaging conversationalist? Are you funny? Do you have a hobby or passion outside of work? Have you processed your trauma in order to avoid dumping it on women? Are you self-aware? Do you love children and will be a good father to a woman's kids? Will you treat women as equals? Are you loyal?

Turns out it might not matter that much.

Moving forward, this will be strictly a sciencepill discussion. Stats are neither blue, red, nor black. They offer no intrinsic advice in and of themselves.

"These are not bluepill facts.
These are not redpill facts.
These are not blackpill facts.
These are Sciencepill Facts 2023."
-Hamudi Ebalz and Diligent_Divide_4978

A 2009 study has indicated that a man's personality has no role in initial romantic attraction, which is necessary for mutual escalation. Instead, the primary predictor of initial romantic attraction is physical attractiveness [1].

But what is male physical attractiveness?

First, let's start with what most people will immediately perceive upon seeing your person: the face.
A man's facial attractiveness has been shown to be the strongest predictor of any following romantic interest, whether short-term or long-term. In fact, women tend to favor certain male faces for short-term relationships and certain other male-faces for long-term relationships. As a sample's face becomes more masculine, women want to have sex with the sample more [2].

Fig. 1
https://preview.redd.it/1n0jvxdk69ea1.png?width=1390&format=png&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=a36d58464dc8bbae8ffd065d846bcafc3f591a0c
[2]

Male facial attractiveness also matters more than male bodily attractiveness in overall male attractiveness [3].

Let's move on to a very charged topic in society: race. I will henceforth refrain from opining about this subject, and only quotes, objectively-true observations, and images from various studies will be used.

Fig. 2
https://preview.redd.it/qbj8i68l69ea1.png?width=1407&format=png&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=2c80927e710cf40319d3d2fae0f4141950a5f553
[4]

"Your Race Matters
The numbers also show that attraction isn't color-blind. To wit:
-- Among males, white guys get the most frequent responses (29 percent of the time) and are least likely to respond (40 percent).
-- Indian men have the worst luck, getting responses only 20 percent of the time.
-- Among females, black women are the most likely to write back to a guy (34 percent) but the least likely to get a response if they initiate contact (34 percent).
-- Middle Eastern women get responses almost half the time, the most of any ethnicity. And even though white guys are pickiest about whom they write back to, they're most likely to respond to Middle Eastern women (47 percent of the time versus an overall response rate of 40 percent).
-- Pretty much across the board, whites are viewed as the most attractive group. This is how different ethnicities answered the following question: 'Not to be racist but which ethnicity do you find to be most attractive?'" [5].

Fig. 3
https://preview.redd.it/96sranyl69ea1.png?width=500&format=png&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=dffe75fffaf535ed84f9dcdf7b721ab531db0812
[5]

"Even in a population of relatively progressive individuals who have self-selected into participation in a multi-cultural Speed Dating event, we observe strong racial preferences" [6].

"For male partners, Asians generally receive lower ratings than men of other races. In fact, when we run the regressions separately for each race, we find that even Asian women find white, black, and Hispanic men to be more attractive than Asian men" [6].

Fig. 4
https://preview.redd.it/08f6dyym69ea1.png?width=1536&format=png&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=82b48de75b34e036b062ef031be0bbb93918f00d
[7]

Fig. 5
https://preview.redd.it/3qfhxwpn69ea1.png?width=1530&format=png&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=86a9faa7e45e48e35645468afc4e5cd5a4ba273d
[7]

Notice how "Thomas," who is not a model, has a match rate nearly twice as high as "Nathan," a literal male model [Figs. 4-5].

"Both profiles with white males scored significantly higher than their Asian counterparts despite the only differences being their respective races" [7].

And finally, let's analyze height.
90% of women will reject a man under 5'5 based solely on his height. 50% of women will reject a man under 5'9 based solely on his height. 1% of women will reject a 6'2 man based solely on his height [8].

Fig. 6
https://preview.redd.it/6suq7wjo69ea1.png?width=1194&format=png&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=d1ae18ca90be42347b168017af375bf7fa961456
[8]

"Taller men had more reproductive opportunities (more marriages, younger second wives) and used them to have more children than shorter men. The chances of survival into adulthood of taller men’s children were not lower" [9].

"The positive effect of height on reproductive performance was not mediated by men’s social status, i.e., their military rank, or by the measures of academic, athletic, and military talent which helped in gaining high status" [9].

Let's bring it all back together. A startling conclusion that one can draw is that one's face, race, and height can be worth, in the aggregate, millions of dollars to women [10].

A 5' 8" average-faced Asian man would need to earn $3,696,000 of additional income over the course of a 7 year marriage to be considered equally desirable as a 5' 11.5" attractive-faced white man to a white woman [10].

With the rise of the independence of women, women no longer NEED men to exist financially. It used to be that a divorced woman was shunned by society, and had the potential to be beaten, threatened, or in poverty if she left. That is simply not the case in 2023.

Women are not bound to men for survival. If you have no desirable genes to offer a woman's children that women don’t already offer themselves, that’s likely the reason you’re single!
Ask yourselves “what genes do I bring to the table?”

And if you're thinking "oh, this is just hateful inkwell rhetoric," ask yourself this: are those Ivy League sociologists of all genders and races hateful inkwells too?

Sources
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19558447/
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1364661305003207
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1090513809000580
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/309668116\_The\_OKCupid\_dataset\_A\_very\_large\_public\_dataset\_of\_dating\_site\_users
https://web.archive.org/web/20100118050917/http://www.sphere.com/article/revealing-the-mysteries-of-online-dating-even-the-politically-i/19261774
https://www8.gsb.columbia.edu/researcharchive/articles/1367
https://nextshark.com/tinder-racist-experiment-reveals-challenges-dating-asian-man
https://www.gertstulp.com/pdf/Stulp%20et%20al%202013\_Anim%20Behav\_The%20height%20of%20choosiness.pdf
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s002650100370
[Source 10]: http://home.uchicago.edu/\~hortacsu/onlinedating.pdf