I (25M) went to serve in the military for 1 month and came back to find my GF (24F) had changed

814 points•553 comments•submitted by Neshdim to r/relationship_advice

Hello reddit.

Me and my gf have been dating for 2 years. I was planning to propose in the next 3 months and I was extremely sure that she was going to say yes, as we have been planning our lives together. She was hinting that I should propose by sending me cheeky proposal posts, signaling that she wants an engagement ring on her finger, and she sometimes would say "When we get married..."

We live together. Admittedly we started fast and we rushed into things. We started living together a month into our relationship. We have been living together ever since.

She was always so loving with me. This is the best relationship I've ever had. She always made me feel loved, cared for, and even if she is somewhat selfish by nature, she ALWAYS put me first. And she loves me very much. And I love her very much.

I have been the perfect boyfriend. I kept on taking her on dates, giving her gifts, helping her around the house, solving her problems and giving her affection and care. We never fought, not even once.

But then, things changed.

I had to go and serve in the military for a month. She dropped me off to the bus station, kissed me, hugged me, cried, said that she loves me and would miss me a lot etc. While I was in the military, she sent me texts saying how much she misses me & and she called me frequently, speaking in a loving manner.

After about 4 days though, this stopped. During the month we barely spoke, and only when I called. She sent me 20 texts at least.

When I came back, she came to welcome me. She was very distant. She didn't even seem happy that I was back. Everything felt off about her.

We went back to our home and I asked what was wrong and why she was acting this way. We spoke about it for hours and she said that during my absence she realized that she had too much love and wanted to cool off a bit. She said we rushed into things and she wants me to move out, as she was not ready for this kind of life where we live together. She said that she wanted to live a little and not do everything together. She wanted to go on dates with me and experience the things we haven't experienced because we immediately moved in together.

She wants to go out and have fun on her own too and she wants the space for herself, her own order of things. She is studying medicine and she's in her last year, and she wants to focus more on that too.

I said okay, I will move out. But I don't feel like this explains her being so distant. I asked if there was somebody else and she said no. She said that she only wants to live her life like a 24 year old and not a 30 year old.

I don't keep her from dressing the way she wants or I don't get jealous when she goes out with friends. But I understand that me being there 24/7 can make her feel burnt out. She said she loves me and wants to keep working on the relationship and everything will be better for us this way.

But I feel kind of icky about this. I feel like our relationship is dying. Everything changed so fast and she doesn't even say I love you back when I say it. I feel like there's a distance between us all the time. I got a house and I'm moving out tomorrow. I canceled my plans to propose and I'm ready to take it slow like she wants to.

I feel like this can break us though. Can our relationship survive this? Why can this happen? What's the outlook?

EDIT: I posted an update here:

https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/XlhNdF3FDP

Thank you for everything. Honestly.