A now-deleted post made me think about a topic I don't see often in pill circles. I wrote this as a comment originally, but maybe other people here can relate.

I think at this point, it would be nearly impossible for me to develop a meaningful crush on someone or build an emotionally-intimate relationship.

Most normies lack self-awareness of how the world works. They think that if they just be themselves and be confident, everything will work out fine.

As someone with autism, that is completely bullshit from my perspective.

But if I tell normies this, I'm gaslit to oblivion.

As an Asian, 5'7, and autistic guy (luckily with a good face and a good body, not like those have really helped tbh), my life was pretty much shaped by isolation and cynicism. Even though I was diagnosed with chronic depression by age 5 (which my parents hid from me for years), I saw into the void at age 2, when my preschool classmates all avoided me whenever I wanted to play with them and laughed at me for flapping my arms.

Even as a 2 year old, I knew being different wasn't my fault. I knew that the way people treated me was bullshit.

But even now, girls I've never seen before occasionally walk up to me out of nowhere and tell me I'm creepy when I wasn't even looking at them or talking to them.

Some things never change.

So even if some girl with an Asian fetish (which, according to Puri, is becoming more prevalent) took a liking to me, we probably wouldn't be mentally compatible.

My entire life has been shaped by social isolation, cynicism, nihilism, and a general distrust of people. Such a personality tends to be extremely repellent to most people, but I cannot simply change it on command.

I have gone almost 30 years seeing the way autistic people, conventionally-unattractive people, and people with deformities are treated by normies. So whenever I see these same normies turn around and talk about "accepting everyone," the hypocrisy just makes me laugh.

In my limited experience, the only socially-acceptable people who are also "deficient" in the above ways are the circus clowns who have curated a larger-than-life personality far different from their inner selves.

I cannot simply unsee the way normies behave, and I cannot unhappen the things that happened to me. I also cannot escape from who I truly am.

It is unfortunate, but the longer I live, the more I think that permanent damage has already been done.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25197797/