I’ll try to be concise. 7 years out from wife’s EA/PA affair with ex friend (husband of couple friend). First 4 months super rough - continued lies and contact, but then she stopped. Got out of the fog. She is now super remorseful, has tons of shame, feels terrible. Not good at empathy though. Always ends up feeling too much shame. So we don’t talk much about it anymore. And haven’t for 4+ years. She has some control issues that she’s working on. We’ve been to lots of counseling both MC and IC. Currently in IC again after years of not going. 4 kids below 18. I love her and like her but don’t want her. We get along pretty well. But I’m living a split life. I never talk to her about my struggles. Basically try and bury it deep in the back of my mind. I pretend normal a lot. I really don’t want to be married to someone who cheated. But here I am. That “special” doesn’t seem like it’s ever coming back. I still have lots of triggers. Especially when we are having sex or being physically intimate. And have struggled with ED since. I know many details - as much I could get at the time, for better or worse.

I often imagine what it could be like with someone that didn’t betray me. I doubt she’d ever cheat again, but who knows. I’m tired of associating her with betrayal but it doesn’t seem to get better. There is always that disgust feeling from her betrayal. Definitely feel like I am trapped in this marriage if I don’t want to hurt my kids.

Am I gullible or naive to think it would be overall better if we got divorced? I often wonder if there are even healthy and attractive women out there that would be options? Maybe since the situation is FUBAR it’s better to stay married? And the whole divorce, impact on my kids, financial impact, and blended family potential.

Thanks. Sorry this is so long.