After 17 years I am so beyond done it makes me sick. Now I'm looking for advice to help me out. I told her I wanted divorce and I'm currently having to hide money away to cover a lawyer retainer. I have no fear of her filing before I do. That would take effort and she's currently riding the gravy train with her boyfriend she moved in our house. She claimed he's paying rent but I've never seen the money. Have no real savings to speak of, 200k house I mortgaged 3 years ago and a military pension. She wants us to still live together after the divorce so we don't have to sell the house and I'm about 30k I debt. I'm trying to just tough it out till may to file but it gets harder every day to keep playing nice. I'm close to my limit with the shit I can take and still fake the smile. Been going on a year since I could stand sleeping beside her much less with her. I also have 2 kids (6,10) that I have to keep up appearances for. I'm getting to the point where I feel like packing a backpack with a couple essentials and just start walking without ever turning back. I'm that done with all this. I just really need someone to talk to.