Last November I looked at my wife’s phone. We have been married for five years at this point and once a long time ago she told me her Lock Screen code and I used it periodically but never for any reason other than curiosity. This day was no different but what I found was. She was in regular contact with a man over Discord who she was sending nudes to and video chatting regularly. I noticed that some of the video chats were at night and realized that over the last few months there were nights where I would wake up in the middle of the night and realize she wasn’t in bed with me. I always brushed it off and told myself that she must have had trouble sleeping and went downstairs to play on her phone, watch TV, etc. but now I realized the awful truth.

I confronted her immediately and she was apologetic and emotional. We had sex pretty much all weekend long. It was a long weekend so it was a lot of sex. By the next week she had completely blocked it out and decided to ignore it. But, there was something else I found on her phone that was nagging at me. It was a picture of a letter addressed to our house and a close pseudonym to her real name. It took me a while but I eventually found the sender via a google search. He is currently incarcerated for child porn. She met him online and was carrying on an online relationship with him for several months.

I confronted her about that too and she admitted to it. She claimed she didn’t know the reason he was in prison but did admit that she had sought out a prison pen pal and he was who she found. She admitted to sharing our home address with him.

Fast forward a few weeks and we are home on the east coast for the holidays and we get in a fight, she goes back to her parents house (we are from the same town but live on the west coast) and I break down and tell my father everything. I start contacting her friends who have a very different version of her life that they have been fed by her. She has told them on multiple occasions that we are getting divorced because I am actually gay, she’s told them I have cheated, she’s told them that she has been pregnant and that we were trying to have kids, etc etc etc. The pregnancy part is actually true, she was pregnant three times during our marriage and each time we chose to get an abortion. The last time however she told her friends that we had been trying to get pregnant and that I knew about the pregnancy way before I actually did and that we were both overjoyed to be parents soon.

The truth was that she had been lying to be for most of our marriage about taking birth control. She never regularly took it and I see now was trying to get pregnant even though I had clearly made my wishes known that we were not ready to have kids. In the back of my mind I knew for a long time that she would have been a very unfit mother.

Another thing I uncovered while talking to her friends was that she had cheated on me with a friend of mine via video chat while I was on travel for work. I have come to the conclusion that she most likely cheated for most if not all of our marriage and she did not feel bad about it at all.

In conclusion, she is extremely mentally ill and not the person I thought I was marrying. I have accepted that I can’t fix this person and that she was broken long before I met her. She has treated me worse than I could have ever imagined being treated, and now I am just trying to move on and heal.

Any thought?