I finally left after my STBX, well it’s too specific to post, but it was messed up. My therapist helped me realize how abusive our relationship has been, I’ve been getting gaslit and mistreated for years. I finally gave up. I wanted to stay till I had a custody agreement but I couldn’t anymore. My mental health has been a mess.

But now? I feel some sense of self again. I’m still sleeping on an uncomfortable floor mattress, but my space is mine. I do the dishes and they stay done, I don’t come home to a surprise sink full of dishes after doing them all weekend. I’m not constantly under eyes judging me silently. It’s my space. It’s not perfect, but I feel so much better.

There’s just less clutter now, things have a place to go in my life and that’s nice. Things feel manageable.

I’ve had issues with drinking and last night I had one. Didn’t have a second or third, Didn’t even finish the first really, just didn’t feel necessary. I made my dinner and lunches prepped and frozen.

I made breakfast this morning and cleaned it all up before work, maybe took 3 minutes?

I feel happy again in a way I haven’t in years. Now as long as I can get the landlord to fix the mold issue in the wall, I want to stay here, but I can’t have my son over with such issues. I’ll be so happy when I can see him again. My heart aches to see him everyday.

I’m not bitter toward my Ex. I just hope we can get in the other side and move on.