Hello, I'm 34 yrs old and going through a divorce. Looking for advice and support. My wife and I separated 3 months ago and she says she is waiting for the year of separation then divorcing me. I was lost in an addiction for 6 months and could not pull myself out of it. Long story short after trying to get clean for 6 months it all ended with a night of destruction with police being called to the house. No physical violence but was bad none the less. I flipped my truck 8 times that night and basically lost everything that night. I am living with a friend, trying to run my business and keep afloat. I have been clean since that night but this is killing me. I don't want a divorce, I love this woman dearly.

I'm struggling so bad, everyone has a perception that it's all my fault when really she was using with me ( how it all started). No one knows this and is important as we are both members of Narcotics Anonymous, where it is vital to be honest about things like this. There is a no contact order between us. I am rebuilding from nothing as I left the house so she and my son can live there.

I think about killing myself everyday. Then I get extremely angry that she would throw in the towell like this. I want to do horrible things and this consumes me all day everyday. The few times I get to see my son it hurts so bad. I wonder if I should even continue to see him ( he is not my blood) because I think of him getting another step father. Where does this leave me. I have lost my purpose. Please what should I do, where is my head supposed to be? What is my focus now? How do I deal with these feelings?