Background: I’m in my first marriage, first married at 40 years old. I’ve been married less than one year. I’m 41, only one marriage, no biological children of my own.

I’m certain that I’m going to get divorced. I know it’s a matter of time. My wife has been having an affair for quite awhile, potentially all along. She doesn’t know that I know or suspect anything. This is the 11th month of our marriage and I’m mentally checked out, disgusted, and completely frustrated and depressed.

My issue is this: I’m having a hard time starting my divorce. Even knowing what I know is going on, I’m still having a hard time taking that first step. No matter how angry or upset I get, I just can’t seem to get going. I’m not afraid of fighting with her and ending it, we’ve fought before. Even if I married late, this isn’t my first long term relationship. I travel for work so all week long I’m all alone with nothing else to think about other than what’s going on at home when I’m not there. I get worked up like a caged animal after a week away. I come home on the weekend, it all just goes away and I take care of what became my family like everything was normal.

I’m sure the main reason is the fear of the uncertainty of what follows that discussion. I don’t want to lose everything I have or ever will have and I know I’m wasting my time and only making the inevitable more painful but I dread this all so much. I never wanted to be here and in fact this is the reason I never got married when I was younger. I’m sure many of you have gone through similar stuff and was hoping someone could give me some comments on what was the last straw for them or something. I don’t have anyone to talk to in my personal life and I need help.