I struggle to be alone

warrior_up · 2019-09-17T19:15:43+00:00

Keep moving forward bro. Having a bad week, comes and goes but eventually hurts less and less.

As far as the loneliness goes, I lost my three boys too - that’s what hurts the most and no matter what anyone says, every minute, every hour, every day I’m not there with them will not get better. I will not get that time back and it has/will change my relationship and emotional well being of my boys forever. Hate when people say it gets better, that can never get better - you just learn to accept your new reality, in a sense you get stronger but really you just learn how to become numb to the constant anxiety of knowing your boys are missing their dad right now.

If you don’t have any kids then yes - it will 100% get better. You’re not gonna find the new relationship until your emotionally repaired and ready for it, like they say when you least expect it. I’m juggling a dozen different girls right now and I understand that no matter who it is - how pretty she is, it’s not your family, they can’t replace your family. Just someone to keep You company and that’s the mindset I have with each one of em, no expectations I just like having someone around - and for the first time in my life I actually have females (like your last girlfriend) that I’m actually still friends with that knew from day one that I was in no shape, no where near ready to open my heart up again...if they’re desperately searching for a husband they most likely won’t stick around, but I even have some that continue dating but still want to come over and hang with me when ever they can. I’ve hurt a few girls already in my first year, but I warned them from day one and they knew exactly what they were getting into

Get a side job, I make $200k per year - picked up 3-4 bartending shifts at night - not so much for the money but to mitigate the loneliness, not being home alone/ after work/ weekends feeling sorry for myself. Started playing softball on Monday’s etc. it’s really helped. Idle hands are bad when you’re trying to break an addiction, your somewhat going through withdrawals just like any other addiction - just that it’s with a past loved one. Keep Posting keep working on you, keep yourself busy, chase excellence, gym, professional career - soon the day will Come where you can’t believe how long you stayed in such a bad relationship, and will be with someone that will remove any/all thought of your ex. Put that shit in the review mirror, that chapter of your life has ended and you’re now embarking on the next chapter. Try to force yourself to be excited about the challenge, don’t let this situation break you, your spirit or character - get you back by being mentally tough - it was just your turn and she was just one girl

Notlikeotherguys · 2019-09-17T22:14:05+00:00

Hit the gym, buy a guitar, do something. The thing I've noticed when I am dating someone is that everyone is looking for it to "go somewhere". If there's not an "end" to it that's resulting in another marriage, it will end, usually within 6 months to a year. Yeah, no. Not me. Not again, not ever. Especially when the majority of them are only seeking another marriage as a form of validation instead of an actual commitment. 67% of second marriages fail, and 74% of third ones. Fuck. That.

https://www.wevorce.com/blog/why-do-second-marriages-fail/

budakikickflip · 2019-09-17T18:56:04+00:00

What helped me was working out relentlessly, everyday. Don’t stop. It’s done wonders for my mental health. Also, if you haven’t heard of Jocko Willink, google him. Watch his YouTube videos, follow him on Instagram, he will motivate the shit out of you. Get in the gym and focus on yourself. Reach out to people you have stuff in common with, you’ll be surprised how much support you have when you reach out. Good luck brother, it gets better.

RamzFanz · 2019-09-17T19:09:06+00:00

You're dating way too soon.

You need to unwind and find yourself as a single person. It will make you a healthier person, a better prospect, and better able to make dating choices when it's a want and not a need.

I would wait a year, at least.

ref006 · 2019-09-24T13:01:35+00:00

Yeah mate, take care of yourself first. Get into the gym, get a hobby etc

In regards to dating, there is a lot I can say. First I don't recommend dating apps to start...

1- Generally you wont meet as many good/suitable women (different apps = different results)

2- Even if you get a date, most men don't know what to do.

A lot of divorce men develop negative feeling/bias towards all woman. They feel anxious, nervous and scared about dating. A lot of divorced men only date to avoid loneliness and end up attracting broken woman who only contribute to there pain and frustration.

My advise, is start from the beginning. Interact with women with no desired outcome....Small talk around the office, say hello on the street. Hold eye contact, and try feel as relaxed as possible. This will project some confidence and is a small step towards building a healthy future relationship.

BUT, take care of yourself first!!!

Remainstrong · 2019-09-19T15:47:33+00:00

I suffered through the loneliness, too, still do at times. As hard as this may seem to comprehend, but, you have to.....concentrate on yourself and use this time to reconnect with friends you may have put on the back burner. Reconnect with family. The right girl will come along in time. Let that take time. If you're not good for yourself right now how can you expect to be good for anyone else in a relationship? Get to some support groups, start talking to other people about your issues post divorce. If you can afford it.....get a therapist. Relationships are like city buses...there's always another one coming if you miss the first one. Don't stay alone and sulk, worst thing you can do, stay bonded with male friends for a good while, guys you know who will support you, listen and understand. My best to you, my friend, and prayers, too.

Title	I struggle to be alone
Author	churro777
Upvotes	4
Comments	9
Date	September 17, 2019 6:38 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/d5l75s/i_struggle_to_be_alone/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-struggle-to-be-alone.819207 https://theredarchive.com/post/819207

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