Our 9 year marriage never prioritized me. As soon as the ring was on her finger, we moved to country (on my dime) where only she spoke the language. I left a lucrative in-person career to work remote and support it.

Then we moved to her home town. She attended grad school. I paid for everything, including her student loans, before my own. My original career doesn't exist in this location. (It's a niche, in-person thing.) Living here was supposed to be temporary, but as soon as we had a kid, she sprung the trap: We're staying forever.

She talked me out of a vasectomy. "Having a child is a shared decision." It was a dead bedroom anyway, so I went along with it. Then she got me drunk one night when she was ovulating. We only had sex twice in 4 years, so I didn't have much resistance or control. I begged her to take Plan B. She refused. Having a child was no longer a shared decision.

She was never a SAHM. The kids were in full time daycare after maternity leave. After grad school she was continuously employed.

So 9 years in, having a dead bedroom, feeling violated by the pregnancy, having my life paused to support her career, and betrayed and trapped by the reversal on our "temporary living location," I filed for divorce.

She fought everything tooth and nail for over 2 years. I "won" on custody (50/50 even though she wanted full), but lost on everything else. She spent $180k on lawyers (to my $80k) -- it was my entire life savings. She gets a third of my after-tax income going forward, with no end date. She comes from a rich family of lawyers (and her sister employed the judge's wife), so I had no chance.

Is there any other man out there paying alimony to someone who's career was the focal point of the marriage? Is there any one living at lower standard of living than the recipient of their money?

At least I have my kids. But she burned their college fund just to spite me. And her continued financial dependence means fewer resources for them. Fewer choices, fewer options, and fewer opportunities than I would otherwise be able to provide them. It's hard to forgive a manipulative deadbeat,