Looking for some direction

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-03-23T15:15:42+00:00

The house is a marital asset. She will likely argue some amount of it is pre-marital, but there's 35 years of maintenance and improvements so it's going to be extremely difficult for her to prove it has not been transmuted into a marital asset. If she hasn't kept good records, there's no way she's keeping it out of scope in a divorce.

Stop listening to her gaslight you about why she's not happy. Happiness comes from within, not granted from another. If she's not happy, it's her problem to solve.

Just because debt is in your name doesn't mean it belongs to just you. In a marriage, all assets and liabilities belong to each party regardless if their name is on it. Half the debt is hers, just like half the assets are hers.

> I can't even get a Dr's appointment or see a dentist

You've been a problem solver for 56 years. That doesn't change when you go through divorce. If anything, you become a better problem solver because you're dealing with lots of "firsts". If you need a doc or dentist, then go see one. Playing the victim card is what women do.

I'm suggesting a book for you because you have problems setting and enforcing boundaries. That's an issue you need to address before divorce is finalized, otherwise you're going to get steamrolled and your fear of being homeless and moneyless will be realized. "When I Say No I Feel Guilty" will teach you the tools to enforce boundaries, starting by teaching you how to say "No" to her.

A2415M · 2026-03-22T19:15:11+00:00

Thank you

A2415M · 2026-03-22T19:15:00+00:00

Thank you

Tvelt17 · 2026-03-22T15:53:47+00:00

I would direct you to an attorney.

If she's physically violent and verbally abusive, document that and record it if you can.

Regardless of your part in this, you don't deserve that. Protect yourself legally and get a good attorney.

X72-9 · 2026-03-22T13:27:34+00:00

First, it would help to give the state as law are slightly different. assuming you're in the state. for example in my state everything her parent ever gave her I had to reimbues her 50% even gift they gave our children. because they wrote a check to her name. she conserved those checks. idk for her inheritance, but I would go after it. it is just fair. she would have to split all debut with you 50/50 even if it's only on your name only. if you don't have any evidence of her abuse, recording... police report... then maybe just drop it... you're a man and the court don't give a shit when a man is abused, it's the reality of things. now because she has been unemployed for so long you might get stuck with alimony for life or for many years depending on your state considering you have been married for 35 years. the business is going to be split anyway. I would argue she had income through the family business. just to avoid alimony since the business is getting split anyway... idk talk to a lawyer on how to build that case. your kids are grown up, if you have a good relationship with them, there is nothing she can do, they are old enough to make their own opinion and take their decision, probably not worth fighting over custody that hard in this case.

Title	Looking for some direction
Author	A2415M
Upvotes	2
Comments	8
Date	March 22, 2026 4:15 AM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1s0c39c/looking_for_some_direction/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/looking-for-some-direction.1576126 https://theredarchive.com/post/1576126

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