Mental Hurdle

Downtowndex72 · 2020-03-03T19:42:01+00:00

So much to prepare for and you’re wise to plan it out. Expect that the initially cooperate ex will change completely once the reality sets in and especially after she speaks with an attorney.

Can you provide some basic information? What state, how long married, who earns more money, why do you want to divorce, has she spoken with an attorney yet?

sierrajon · 2020-03-03T21:28:02+00:00

The planning can't be done without her. If you do it all alone you would alienate her. I would recommend you have the discussion when she has an opportunity to have alone time; you take the kid or let her go somewhere to process for a few days or week(s). After that plan with her.

Fear of the unknown is a solid fear. The only way over it is through it. Perhaps ask your counselor for a 1 on 1 session to discuss, and maybe ask them to facilitate this discussion in a session. Really, at this point (same for me), it is a unilateral decision. You are making it, and you will be the bad guy to her. So come to terms with that now. In my case, my wife has expressed that she is really unhappy, but won't make the hard decision. So, I am making it for the both of us. My mantra is "if nothing changes, nothing changes". And she is resigned to not change. So me staying with her, and her with me, is really a disservice to both of us.

The only thing crazier would be staying with her.

Being different does not mean being incompatible. However, the FACT that you don't love her as a husband should love a wife and that you don't see a future with her means you must move on.

One last thing, "mentally working through it" is a garbage excuse for stalling and is not planning, it's future tripping. You are a consultant, you know the difference between preparing/planning and procrastinating. You are also probably very good at navigating through uncertainty and controlling room. You are fully prepared to have the discussion and get her to the same place you are. Any further delay is just mean and disrespectful. So, write out what you want to say to her and then tell her.

MajorData · 2020-03-09T19:29:38+00:00

You won't do this until you "have reached your limit." Been there.

Title	Mental Hurdle
Author	jbrevard78
Upvotes	5
Comments	6
Date	March 3, 2020 7:39 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/fd047f/mental_hurdle/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/mental-hurdle.1200153 https://theredarchive.com/post/1200153

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