My addict brain cannot use social media in moderation. I've been focusing on sobriety and feel as though I've replaced my drug use with heavy amounts of scrolling on reddit. therefore
I will be deleting reddit but before I do, I'd like to share my story.

I was never good with women so when I was approached by my future ex-wife it felt amazing. I was 20 and she was 25. she had two kids from a previous marriage. It was clear early on in the relationship we didn't share the same values. around 8 months into it she started growing weed in her apartment putting the custody of her children in jeopardy. this was a huge point of contention. I was young and stupid and thought that I could impose my values on to her.

I found out shortly after this that she had been lying to me about the state of her first marriage when we first met. they had been trying to work things out several times but failed due to her repeated infidelity (I suspect she did the same with the man she is with now).

In hindsight I wish I had the sense not to be with a single mother who wasn't even divorced yet.

Our relationship was filled with constant accusations of possible infidelity (her accusations not mine). I couldn't leave the house for more than an hour without her blowing up my phone and projecting her insecurities. I was being smothered. we had a baby of our own now, so I resigned myself to work and home to try and avoid conflict.

Shortly after she got a new job and started drinking with her coworkers on a regular basis. I brought her flowers to work once and could tell something was off about the way she was acting. To her this behavior was completely justifiable. This eventually led to a short separation.

We were struggling and she was dipping into my savings without telling me or asking which she justified with what's mine is yours and vice versa mentality. I personally would call it stealing.

Now let's jump to the breaking point of the relationship. At this time, she had already been caught cheating twice. (she had made out with a guy at a concert and been caught sexting one of my friends).

At this point we already have two kids of our own and two kids from her previous marriage. She started working overnights at the amazon warehouse and was bingeing on Adderall to help get through her work weeks. So she was pretty much always sleeping or angry. On top of that she only worked when she had parenting time with her kids from the first marriage living all child care responsibility to me. Id tried to be understanding and supportive for the first year but eventually had enough of the toll it was taking on our family/household. I talked to her about switching shifts she refused.

she saw absolutely nothing wrong with her drug use or the fact she was pushing all childcare responsibility on to her husband. I was told I was unsupportive. And when I would ask her to apologize for her sleep deprived drug induced outburst, she would say she shouldn't have to apologize because her friends would never ask her to do so.

Throughout this two-year period, I attempted to open a discussion about possible separation and was told I was trying to abandon my family. so, two years of this and I had enough and went two go stay at my moms house who live close by. I told her hey lets separate and go to counseling and figure this out. She was on the fence about it but ultimately told me she didn't want to go because "I didn't care about what she had to say". I think the real reason is because she had found a new guy to fawn over her and tell her you poor girl.

During the divorce process there were several occasions of her cussing me out and yelling at me Infront of our children. When we were together My mom had gifted our family a car my wife asked to have her name put on the title but my mother refused to do so. I was paying for the insurance on the vehicle and was also paying for her daughter and hers phone bill as well as an iPhone she had purchased in my name with out permission during the separation.

I had my own apartment at this point and was struggling so I asked her if she could watch the kids one or two shifts out of the week for me to Wich she refused. so, I decided to cut her off from any financial help and went and got the car. her response to that was to tell my kids I was a thief and posted on Facebook how I "stole her car and was an abuser".

She still likes to knit pick at me and take shots at me. her boyfriend will wave at me when I see him around town he will wave and laugh. Wich, I find kind of pathetic that he feels the need to try and get under my skin. The world doesn't care if you have peace in your life, so I have fought to have as much space and distance between me and these people as possible. The more disconnected I am from these people the happier I am.