Not sure where to begin... I(34M) have been with my wife (40F) for 4 years and married for just about 1. From the get go there were constant fights about how or why I did things and still to this day if I do anything new or different or don't do something I usually do it becomes a barrage of questions she says she's curious but if feels more Inquisitional to me. Things as basic as how i get ready for work in the morning to what video game I decided to play at the moment. this has me feeling like i constantly have to analyze my actions as to not bring forth the questions.

When we first started dating she found porn on my phone and just about blew her lid saying I was disgusting and a POS, and those girls probably are underage (clearly not as it was well known actresses). since then I've had a couple of slip ups which I have apologized for and have put safeguards in place to avoid any more. But she feels the need to look at my phone constantly goes through all my emails and texts and pictures and questions anything she finds the smallest bit odd to her.

She has set some pretty wild boundaries up that i feel are not normal, like cutting me off from most of my old friends, deleted all social media, im not allowed on youtube because i might be looking at other girls. If im at work in my office alone i need to be on the phone with her. When i walk into my office and the receptionist greets me and i come off as "to friendly" she lays into me. When we walk in target i look down at the ground because when i used to look forward and a girl walked by she would ask if I "liked what you are looking at? sorry im not some size 0 bimbo" so i just stopped looking around anywhere i go. Which is hard for me because i have PTSD from my time overseas in the army but im managing.

I'm not the best or most emotionally available person i tend to be more logical so i dont always get her point of view and she tells me i dont hear her out but i do my best to comfort and reassure her but it seems enough is never enough. I provide a comfortable lifestyle for her and my step daughter, im paying for her college i gave her my 2019 crosstrek that had just over 30k on it, i pay all the insurance and gas i want her to have the best opportunity to succeed because she is a bright and caring young woman and i want her to thrive. But my wife tells me none of any of that matters she wants a partner who respects her and makes her feel wanted. I do what i feels is above and beyond the norm i drive her to work i make sure she doesn't have to do much during the weeks because she hates her job and its draining for her. i take care of 90% of household chores as well. ive never really told her no on any want her our our daughter has despite the effects it has had on my finaces. Before meeting her i had an almost 800 credit score and 40ish thousand in investments not to include my 401k and now i have zero savings and about 13k in my roth because we cant touch it and im in almost 20k in cc debt and spend on average 12k a month in expenses.

The stress has caused me to put on about 60ish lbs but if i started to eat healthier or workout i would be met with who am i trying to impress and which whore am i talking to now? so i dont even try, i also have let my hair grow out and my beard unkempt, used to be a fairly handsome guy now i look like a crazed homeless man which she likes because im less approachable to other women.

watching tv with her is pretty much a session of her saying what sluts the women on tv are or whiney and stupid or some other negative thing based on appearance out of the gate. She used to have the tvs password locked so i can only watch when im with her but i brought it up and she gave me the password. mean while my daughter can watch whatever she wants. she often tells me i should go be with some slut if i look up at the tv and its just a woman. its honestly so draining i just fall asleep most of the time which is met with im not actually spending quailty time with her if im asleep. and heaven help me if one of the women at work messages me on my work computer to dicuss work which she also feels the need to check and its internet history.

I used to be a super positive and funny guy but i just feel like if i show that im gonna have some sort of repercussion. I know there are two sides and maybe ive caused a lot of this?