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ClippedWinng Archive

View 1 posts and 135 comments by ClippedWinng on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
8

ClippedWinng/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 12:25 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

You're worried you wont be able to open up to someone else? If you put in the work, it will be easier to open up to anyone. While I understand you want her to be happy, you shouldn't be spending much, if any, of your energy thinking about her. Just focus on you and keep growing. It's still too fresh in your life to understand, but once you get through all of the heartache, you will see how it was a waste of energy to give her your thoughts. I recently came across a quote that goes, "Search for e…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/26 09:50 PM
2

Everyone grieves on their own timeline. She's in the denial stage, and she might be there through out this whole process. Let her work through her feelings as you work through yours. Just keep being honest,direct, and as kind as you can be.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/26 05:21 AM
0

I included "please don't text me otherwise" because I'm not suggesting you talk to her further. She should know directly you do not want to talk to her and then cut the communication. If shes mentally healthy, she'll accept and move on. If she goes nuts, you just got confirmation that what you're doing is the right thing.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/26 02:43 AM
2

Be direct, don't be avoidant. Tell her something like I wanna keep communication limited to important matters only. Please don’t text me otherwise. It's neutral and let's her know where you stand.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/26 12:30 AM
1

*You began to respect yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/26 12:11 AM
15

I had a similar mentality about how I failed and I should have done more. I felt like I could have been better and I wanted to remain friends. As I got out of that fog, talked to supportive people, and worked on myself, this all changed. At the time, I didn't fully see her manipulations. Indidnt see how she would have me think it was my fault but she wouldn't take responsibility for her part in the state of our relationship. Eventually I put my foot down for my own mental health, because it is i…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/26 04:55 PM
15

When my world at the time was falling apart, because the ex told me she was done, there was a moment I treasure fondly. I was washing dishes and quietly crying while my girls were at the table doing homework. My 10yo comes up to me, doesn't say a word but just hugged me. I tried to compose myself but in a broken up voice I just told her 'Thank you'. It meant so much to me and I promise that the support you give your dad will mean the world to him.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/26 02:44 PM
1

The postnup is a good idea, but his reluctance to sign it should speak as a warning sign to you. It's difficult to think about life without someone you care so much about. This could also be because you're under his love spell. You want it to work, most of us here get it, and were in your shoes. It took some time before I started to see the red flags I ignore along with the red flags I didn't see. I didnt forsee my happiness when my ex wife first told me she was done. I am still healing, but im …
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 12:45 AM
5

Wife is considering? You are a nice guy and do not love yourself. Would you please check out the book No More Mr Nice Guy by Dr Glover? When I got that audio book, it was so good I finished it in a day.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 11:41 PM
5

I was ready to move out to my parents house just to get some space and clear my head. The advice on this forum convinced me not to do that because you can forfeit some rights doing so. The only way I was able to make it through cohabitating was to pretend she wasnt there. It was tough at first because she would try to make small talk eventhough I told her I didn't want to talk anymore. I was too much of a nice guy and would end up small talking back until we get to a topic she didn't like and a …
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/26 08:26 PM
3

I wish I would have read the book No More Mr Nice Guy by Dr Glover. It has opened my eyes post breakup.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/26 05:02 PM
2

I'm paraphrasing, but you mentioned she changed to fit who you are. Now she wants out because its not who she is. You now want to do the same and change for her. This will probably lead to you resenting her. You're trying to make something fit together that doesn't fit. You forgive the drunken cheating, but how are you so confident it wouldn't happen again? Or happen during the next big fight and "trial separation"? You can make this relationship work for only so long because it will be complete…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/26 12:37 PM
4

I'm only 10 months post separation but I am living my best life. The first 3 months hit hard, followed by the winter holidays. I threw everything I could at it like you did. Working out, therapy, & anti depressants. Everything helped a little, but i believe the biggest help was the audiobooks I picked up. I used to listen to podcasts for hours, but that is now replaced with audiobooks. One of the books made me realize that I was settling for the scraps of love she would give me. I was so deprive…
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 07:44 PM
1

You will feel all 5 stages of grief through this process. These feelings are just 1 step closer to acceptance but only if you do the work to get through the grief. It's a good thing to try to improve, be a better you! You are human though, you have flaws, don't spite yourself because of them. Learn to love yourself, change for you, not for someone else. Everything else will fall into place once you truly love you for you.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 12:41 PM
3

At the bare minimum, I would bet that there was emotional cheating. You got served so her conscience wouldn't take a hit when it turned physical. This sucks but it is the first step toward healing. I know I went through all 5 stages of grief. It's not linear and some stages come back with a vengeance haha Feel those emotions but try not to linger in them. In the last few months I have gotten comfortable in the acceptance stage. It came through some therapy, self reflection, and learning to love …
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 12:17 PM
2

There's an audio book I started recently called, The Courage To Be Disliked. It introduced me to Adlers psychology and it is a really good listen!
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 12:32 PM
4

I was desperate to fix things as well! In my biggest moment of weakness, I went back on my boundry and told her I was willing to accept that living arrangement. At the time all I could think of was to keep my family unit as close as I could and not wanting to break my kid's hearts. I feel fortunate that she didn't take me up on the offer.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 09:49 PM
9

I feel your story buddy. I have the feeling that mine had a plan but it got blown to hell when I grew a spine. She wanted us to still live together in the same house but in seperate bedrooms. I feel like she wanted the security and support i brought her. We have been living in seperate homes since May ish. This whole situation was a blessing though and I'm so much happier. Just this past weekend she sent me a picture of a love note I wrote her when we started dating. It was sent completely out o…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 07:35 PM
4

You're too much of a nice guy. You're statement about being mad but then accepting her pregnancy shows it. Holding on to someone who doesnt fully love you is not loving to yourself. Do you have close friends or family you can talk to about this? Someone who knows you both but has your best interests in mind? Confide in these people to help you see the forest from the trees because we can only go based on what you typed. This internet stranger is suggesting you don't be her white knight. Shes no …
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 02:30 PM
5

For her to move on, she has to make you out to be the bad guy. Maybe she's right, we can't see things through her point of view. Even though my ex said she was done, she one time told me how it was my fault and that I chose this. This helped me in my healing process. I was able to see that she was never going to take responsibility and if I stuck around, I would have been miserable dealing with that.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 05:40 PM
5

My story is similar, she decided she could do better after graduating college. She completely forgot that it was my help and support that helped her get through the finish line. I was all the emotions. Most of the anger and bitterness went away as I realized how I was a nice guy. It's not her fault I didn't stand my ground. It's not her fault I didn't leave before she did, when in retrospect I should have ran away years ago. During this school year, my focus was my daughters. Now that it's summe…
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 10:07 PM
3

Yes it could be saved if both want to save it. Her reluctance to move in should let you know she doesn't want to save it, she's done. Keep being the best person you can be. Keep working on yourself. Being your best and loving yourself will attract the person who will make you happy.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 09:56 PM
2

I was asked the same! She would be constantly asked who knew. At some point, i grew a spine and told her, don't worry who knows. My business is my own. She hit me with, when it involves me, it's my business. I rolled my eyes and ignored her statement. After that, she stopped asking me.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/26 02:32 AM
8

Best thing you can do is find trusted people to talk to and be vulnerable. My ex was my only confidant and when she said it was over, and it made me feel so lost. I started by talking to my parents about it, then to my siblings. To not be overwhelmed, I talked to each of them individually. From there it extended out to friends and cousins. Each trusted person I confided in made me feel better about myself. Their support helped me begin to heal. You got this.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 03:18 AM
2

If she cloned your phone, how do you know she's not seeing this post and thread? I'd be wary to give advice and have her use it against you. Also, what state are you in?
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 06:36 PM
2

The 2 apps I recommend are meetup and eventbrite. One of the first meetups I went to was a board game night. I met some cool people there that introduced me to new games. Use the app to try new hobbies and learn more about yourself! Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/26 03:20 AM
4

A couple cousins warned me that it will be tough. The kids will still want the other parent. They also comforted me in letting me know that kids will eventually recognize the effort. Keep smiling, doing the best you can by them when they're with you and the best you can for yourself when they are not. You got this.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 08:44 PM
3

Your first lines were about how you wife is hot and you're okay. This makes me think that you're putting her up on a pedestal. She's not great, but you put up with things you shouldn't because having her around your arms gives you some status. Early into my separation I was recommend the book, No More MR Nice Guy by Dr Robert Glover. I finished that audiobook so fast because it resonated with me. I think you might relate with it to.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 01:02 AM
6

If you've done the work for yourself, thats great! Keep it up! If you did the work with hopes of reconciling then you did it for the wrong reason and a second chance will fail. Don't say anything to her, what's done is done. If it is meant to be, she will be the one to come to you.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 10:05 PM
1

Correct. Strategy sessions should not require a retainer, but it can cost you anywhere from 300-500+ per hour
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 11:40 PM
2

Dude, get out. My daughters are under 10 and while it was a shock initially, we are in a great place. If you have good communication with your kids, they will understand. They will also see how a healthy person deals with a bad relationship. Don't ask for separation though. Find and talk to a lawyer and ask for a strategy session. Once you have all your ducks in a row, then bring it up
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 06:51 PM
2

Relating your story to mine, it seems like you're trying your best and hanging on until the day she gives up. That's when she would have made the decision for you. Don't go giving ultimatums, just quietly consult an attorney to protect what's yours. Ask them for strategy sessions. If you're lucky she will agree and work with you on an uncontested divorce. If she tries to go full scorch earth, you will be ready for her.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 06:44 PM
2

They're both now 'somebody you used to know'. It's okay to feel all grieving emotions, it's like they died in your world. It's like they're someone else now. If you didnt have the emotional attachment to them and just knew them from their current actions, would you want then in your life? Youre right about laying off the booze. I avoided so many fights the ex wanted to start because I was level headed. I was also on antidepressants so it helped with thinking rationally instead of emotionally 😄
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 12:56 PM
1

What did you do/think after she said there was a chance? As I was detaching from my ex, she said the same to me. There was a chance to reconcile, but my actions didn't allow for that. I remember at the time feeling heartbreak all over again. Since it was still early in the breakup process, I felt crushed. If she were to tell me that today (6 months post seperation), I would just be so grateful that I created and stuck with my boundaries. I am happier now, loving myself, than I was when she was m…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 12:47 PM
1

I had a mini panic attack/rage fit when I came across my exes condoms while we were still living together. She said she was done, but we were living together while figuring out our paths forward. I echoed the words, "not my problem" a few times while thinking of her flaws. Those words along with the thought of no longer having to deal with her issues brought me to peace.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 03:59 AM
3

My ex was my everything, so when she said she was done, I felt alone. It wasn't until I opened up to safe people, mainly family, that my healing began and the loneliness started to fade. I strongly agree with step 2. You have to talk to someone about this, but it can't be just anyone. It has to be a trusted person, or someone who has gone through this. On a side note; Learning to love myself (still a work in progress) I believe was key. No one else can ever love you like you should love yourself…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 01:54 AM
1

I think your lawyer would be the best guide to whether to bring it up in court or not
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 03:21 AM
5

How did you find the best lawyer you could? I dont need one, but if I did, I think i would be lost in finding one that was worth the money.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 08:10 PM
2

Congrats dude! Stories like yours are like a guiding light. I'm only 7 months into separation and waiting for the judge to sign off on our final judgement paperwork. It's still all fresh for me, but im looking forward to this next chapter and I'm putting in the work to make it better than the last one. Keep us updated!
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 06:03 PM
5

If she filed an EPO, you should take that as a personal shot and start figuring out how you're going to fight back. If it hurts to think you can't talk to the kids until the 20th, how do you think they would feel if they can't talk to you forever? Call 988. Stop taking to her immediately, no calls text, because all of it can and will be used against you. Find the best lawyer you can afford. Only talk about your situation with the lawyer, a therapist, and close trusted family until it's all resol…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 02:30 PM
5

No parent shoukd ask their child to pick a side, that's abusive. I felt my ex was pretty manipulative so I started using the Grey rock method. Doing so confirmed it. You're a little fortunate that it's an adult child going through it with you. My 6yo and 10yo are seeing their mom in a new light and it sucks. The little one is still enamored by mom, but my oldest is slowly resenting her. The ex is too much in her own world to see how she's losing her girls.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 03:02 PM
2

The most loving thing you can do is to file for divorce. You don't ask for divorce though. It's not something that's requires permission. Before you file or even tell your partner, please go see an attorney. They will help you protect what's yours. Best case scenerio, she can agree to an uncontested divorce, but after seeing a lawyer you will be prepared for worst case scenerio.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 01:53 PM
1

If I had a chance to "fix it" I would not because there's nothing to fix. Her deciding to end it was the lesson I needed to learn and I don't need to learn it twice. Right now we are pretty much no contact except when we have to discuss the kids. I prefer it that way. I'm working on myself, my life, and having a good time doing.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 11:47 PM
1

When I said nice guy, it was a reference to that book. It's highly recommend.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 09:32 PM
2

There a difference in how a man provides and how a nice guy provides. Some of the things you list are what nice guys do and women eventually run away from them.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 04:34 PM
11

My marriage/divorce is similar to yours. Five months prior to her telling me she wanted out, we went out on a cruise and were having a great time. I believe now that I married an avoidant and/or a narcissist. Our relationship was evolving into another level and instead of leveling up with me, she looked for an out. My immediate family now wonders who she is because they don't recognize her through her behaviors. It sucks learning this life lesson after 10yrs of marriage but I'm a better man beca…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 02:38 PM
1

What do you mean?
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/26 05:52 PM
2

I read through some of your post history, have you read the book no more mr nice guy by dr Robert glover? Get the audiobook if you can't sit down to read. That book helped me open my eyes and get perspective. That book helped me see who I was/am. Therapy and antidepressants are helping me make the changes I need to be a better me. You're going through the stages of grieving. There is light at the end of this tunnel but you have to put in the work.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/26 07:45 PM
3

I started seeing the same thing in my stbx. The nice thing about it was that it allowed me to get over her easier when I finally noticed it. Now I'm grateful she initiated this whole thing because shes now someone else's problem.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/26 01:10 PM
2

I've either deleted pics of her or cropped her out of pictures that are on my digital picture frame. I still have those photos somewhere in my hard drive. I do ot want to delete them in case my daughters want them some day.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/26 10:33 PM
3

This is the prologue to my story and it could be yours as well. The first couple of months were brutal with randomly crying and mourning over the death of my marriage. After therapy and learning to self love, I'm the happiest I've been in years. I'm still not fully divorced, should be official around April, but I'm looking forward to the next chapter of my life. Her telling me we were done was a blessing in disguise. I am making good lemonade out of the lemons she left behind.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 03:00 PM
1

It's another shit test from her. She wants to get a rise out of you. One of my last interactions i had with my stbx, I foolishly answered her question as honestly as I could, and she threw it back in my face. I have called her the judo master, because it didn't matter what I said, it could be turned around on me! Thinking of that last interaction continues to keep me back on track and looking forward to the uncertain future. I love myself too much now to subject myself to her twisting narratives…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 02:57 PM
5

Healing is not a linear line, there will be ups and downs. When starting my healing process, I made a list of reasons why separating was good. I wrote every con I could think of. She initiated the separation, so i was broken up. Early on, reviewing that list helped get me back on track whenever I start to get feelings for her. But through these months, I have needed to review that list less and less. I have learned to love myself above all and I'm a happier person. You got this, stay strong
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 03:00 PM
2

this Stay calm, stay neutral. She will give you different shit tests and try to get any kind of emotional rise from you. My stbx continues to text me or do things to try and piss me off. Eventhough we're still living together, I do not talk to her, only text. Every reply I sent her goes through chatgpt just to make sure it is as neutral as possible. The few times I've slipped and not followed these rules, its led to a blow up and a fight. It sucks, but it is also a very nice reminder of why I'm …
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 01:38 PM
1

Sent you a dm
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 04:50 AM
1

My stbxw was not a sexual person. We're still living together and have a couple more months until the divorce can be finalized. I was dumb enough to go through her drawers and I have found both male and female condoms. She's not sexual with you, doesn't mean someone else has not got her going. I'm not saying it to be mean, just being direct. 6 weeks is early. You're still under her love spell and have plenty of grieving to do. In the early days, I started Journaling thoughts and feelings. One en…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 02:45 AM
3

Congrats! Don't leave! Update us on your successes and slips along the way. Reading those helped me when i first found this sub.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 09:13 PM
3

You are in the denial phase of grief. I remember being in that stage and wishing for nothing but to fix our broken marriage. After learning to love myself with therapy and exercise, I've come on the other side and my only regret is that we didnt split up sooner. At some point in your healing, you will see so many red flags. The ones you didnt see dont hurt as much as the ones you chose to ignore out of "love". The book I recommend to someone going through this is No More Mr Nice guy by Dr. Glove…
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 09:08 PM
1

Did she spend a lot of time on tiktok?
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 08:03 PM
3

Please check out the book No More Mr Nice Guy by Dr Glover. My library even has a free audiobook rental of the book. It helped me a lot and I think it could help you too
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 01:14 PM
3

I feel for you and what you're going through. Therapy can only help so much if you do not love yourself though. Put yourself first and good things will happen. I saw you posted 2 days ago how you have unconditional love for your ex. That is toxic to your own self. You won't break through and be on the other side until you truely begin to love yourself and not accept unacceptable behavior. Only after I started to love myself, I was able to break free from the love spell my stbxw had me under. I n…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/25 02:41 PM
11

No and no! Do not fight it and do not let it happen. Youre being passive and shes going to walk all over you because of it. If you let her call the shots you are at a disadvantage. What you should be doing is finding a lawyer and getting advice on how to get out with what you deserve. Talk to people you really trust about this. They will help with getting you to see what is her manipulation, and if they are really good friends/family, they will also let you know where you're wrong. You do not lo…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 08:07 PM
1

Consulte el libro No más señor buen chico del Dr. Glover. Ojalá hubiera leído ese libro antes de casarme.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 05:45 PM
2

Continue being the best dad you can. One thing I've heard from loved ones who are divorced with kids is that there will be moments like this that hurt. Mom might temporarily win kids over with treats, gifts, ect. Eventually, kids notice who has their best interest in mind though. I've had some moments like this while we're in the middle of divorce and cohabitating. My girls want their mom. Unfortunately for my girls, mom would rather be on her phone than bond with them.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 05:31 PM
1

I'm dealing with similar. She wanted the breakup but she also joined us for Thanksgiving and also thinks morning wrong about joining my family on Christmas. Since we're cohabitating and nothing is final, I'm playing nice. I dont like it, but it should be the last time she attends an event with us.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 04:04 PM
7

I went through similar and can relate about wanting it to work with your best friend. I'm in the early stages of divorce right now because she finally called it quits. I didnt want divorce, and it wrecked me after she told me she was done. After putting in some work on self love, (therapy, working out, going out) I wish I would have filed for divorce and sooner. Now its complicated with a shared home and two daughters. I read it somewhere on this forum, "Men sacrifice happiness for family, women…
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 11:10 PM
8

When my stbxw and I were starting to hit our rough patch, I tried so hard to win her back. It only made things worse. I told her I wasnt done fighting for her, later that night she told me she was done. She wanted a separation. It felt like she just wanted the security I brought her and she wanted the freedom to do whatever she wanted. The following weeks I was miserable, and went through the stages of grieving. Now mostly on the other side, I'm more mad that I didnt leave sooner. I have been on…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 02:33 PM
5

What you're feeling is "normal" because everyone grieves differently. Your therapist is right though, you need to take care of yourself. That will include doing things for yourself. Self love will help these shitty stages of grief more manageable. I was happily sitting in the anger stage but somehow slightly moved back into the bargaining/ depression stage again. I can get myself out of it, but the anger phase is a whole lot easier to be in 😅
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 04:36 PM
2

Where did you meet your new gf?
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 04:17 AM
3

Get a lawyer and get their advice on your next steps for divorce. You need to love yourself enough to not be somewhere this unhealthy. If you dont do it for you, do it for your kids who need to see how a mature person handles a bad relationship. Youre getting scraps of her love. Whatever she wants to give you. Stop sleeping with her. Once you love yourself, you will see how you're putting up with things you shouldn't have to.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 02:42 PM
6

There is a book I've seen recommend several times in this forum: Lose a cheater, gain a life. Check it out. For me, the book No More Mr Nice Guy put a lot of things in perspective for me and made my path toward healing a lot faster. I have to sell my house and pay her half. I have to move me and my kids in with my parents until I can get back on my feet. The thought of that sucks, but I know I will make lemonade out of this shit. You can too.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 04:25 AM
3

Why did you call? Don't you feel like that is reopening a wound? I'm trying to go as little contact as possible with my stbx. Even now we're living in the same house and I avoid her like she's covid 😅
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 11:23 PM
4

I'm slowly realizing my anger towards my soon to be ex is anger that should be directed towards me. I should have left a long time ago but stayed because I wanted my family to not be broken. She went out last night and normally I'm happy she's out of the house and I can relax, but this shift has made me sad. I have to remind myself how she's now someone else's problem. When I was in the anger phase of grieving it was so much easier 😅
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 11:13 PM
4

Self love above all. If you dont truely love yourself, you run the risk of finding the wrong person for you. After you find yourself, check out some self help books. No More Mr Nice guy is very popular. I just finished listening to Models by Mark Manson and I'm going to re-listen to it because its very good. You've made it this far in life, whatever else it throws your way, just know you can handle it!
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/25 05:03 AM
7

If its uncontested and you're getting what you want, dont rock the boat. My lawyer told me to play nice and over been doing my best to do so. You know the truth and dont need her to know. It might feel nice but it could lead to headaches
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 12:31 AM
6

I was a mess the first 4-6 weeks after she told me she was done. Now i feel grateful she didn't take me back after I tried to win her back. You're so l still under her love spell. I wish you luck in breaking free. Self love is the key. Once I began to take care of myself, I started to get over the grief of my marriage dying. Loving yourself means not staying where you're not wanted. If you dont know yourself, you can't love yourself. Find/rediscover hobbies with your free time. Meetup app has he…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 06:09 PM
5

You're not just filling for yourself, you're doing it so your child doesn't grow up in that kind of environment. Kids always love their parents, no matter how flawed they are. You have to set the example for them and show them not to stay somewhere toxic no matter how hard the alternative could be. As mentioned by another redditor, check out Al Anon. Also, check out a book called Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. I think it could help.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 01:49 PM
1

I've been on them on and off throughout life starting in my early 20s. I have only taken them when I was in therapy and felt like the they helped me slow down my overactive thoughts and made them productive instead.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 04:33 AM
3

Go out and do something for yourself. Loving yourself will help. You got this
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/25 06:21 PM
5

A week or so after she told me she was done, I had a dream that she woke me up by my bed in the living room and told me how she wanted to try again. It was so vivid and felt so real. It sucked.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/25 06:19 PM
2

It's just one foot in front of the other. Everyone's path will vary, but the successful ones will include therapy, exercise, starting or restarting hobbies. Once therapy and antidepressants helped me break her spell over me, I could see all the red flags I was ignoring. I stayed way longer than I should have. Long nightly walks by myself also helped me
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/25 02:16 AM
2

The book i picked up after that was codependent no more. If you relate to mr nice guy, you might enjoy that one too
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 03:46 PM
3

The book that helped me most was no more Mr Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover. It helped me see my flaws and how i ended up in the situation I'm in 😅 I found the book by searching this subreddit for book recommendations. Maybe you can't relate to the book i suggested, do a search and see what others suggest. Since the nice guy book was recommended by several people, I have it a shot and now i just wish I could have read it years earlier.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 02:36 PM
6

You're still under her spell. I used to feel similarly until I went through the stages of grief and now I'm stuck between anger and acceptance. Keep doing what you're doing with therapy and antidepressants. I do both as well. Exercise and hobbies and good too. I started nightly walks and listening to self help books and now I'm going to hot yoga 2-4 times a week. One thing I did is sit down and think of the things I disliked in our relationship. I wrote i down in an online journal. I randomly lo…
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 04:48 AM
5

I have 2 thoughts when it comes to the stbxw dating. The first one is, I'm glad she's now someone else's problem. Good luck to that dude. Second is that her relationship likely to crash and burn somewhere done the road and I don't want to be around to see it. I have been taking time to myself and trying to be better. She's done no self reflection and jumping into something new. I focus on me, my kids, and making the best out of the situation. I dont bother to even think about what shes doing wit…
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 04:39 AM
4

I'm starting over at 43, I would love to go back to my 30's! Therapy and anti-depressants helped me mostly get over it. You're still in the fog and under her spell. Once you're actually out, you'll start to see red flags you missed. Take the work ethic you have and use it to better yourself. I started doing exercise and listening to self help books. They have made me more optimistic about my future without the ex. They have also brought me out of my shell. I downloaded an app called meet-up and …
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/25 02:00 AM
8

You can't save a marriage on your own. A book that helped me when I was spiraling down was No More Mr Nice Guy by Dr Robert Glover. I highly recommend you listen to the audiobook or read it. A line that will echo in my head is something like, this will either save your relationship or send it to a long overdue grave. I see how my relationship with my stbxw of 11yrs should have died before we even got married. We both tried way too hard to make something work when it wasnt going to. Divorce sucks…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 04:42 PM
4

I feel like they don't want to reach out because they don't want to appear nosey. If you reach out and they make time for you, then they are showing you support. If you need more, then ask the closest ones to do so. My stbxw was very protective about who knew and would question me about what I said and to who. I stopped that non sense and told her that I what I talk about and with who is no longer any of her business. Then I started opening up to people individually in one-on-one settings. Each …
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 12:51 PM
8

I'm in between that stage and acceptance. As long as she leaves me alone and I don't hear from her, I'm happy and loving my best life. When the topic is about our kids, its just monotone talk. When its anything else, I roll my eyes and have to work on not being rude. I dont want to be in the anger stage and talk about it in therapy, but I also don't see the need to be on friendly terms.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/25 12:34 PM
2

Thank you lots! I'm trying my best, but I still randomly fail though. All part of the fun of parenting.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 06:55 PM
2

We're still going to alternate weekends throughout the year. We'll have plenty of summer fun
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 06:19 PM
3

I'm going to have them all school year and she will get them summers. I've always helped them with their homework. I am aware I can fight for them but I think this could work against me with the girls. Where they might think its my fault they don't see her. I figure that after a summer or two they might ask not go to with her. Best case scenario, she steps up her game and finally becomes a mom. I'm not holding my breath though
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 05:09 PM
2

That's how I feel, I dont want it to kill my buzz, but I wanted to hear from others who have gone through it. Another redditor mentioned a monthly dinner and I think I can do that. Bonus if she's on her phone, then the girls will see how she's not really with us.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 04:48 PM
1

Yea, going through the grieving process, everything she does now is no longer my problem. It randomly irks me and I have to remind myself how lucky I am is going to be someone else's problem 😆 Thanks for the dinner idea. I think I can manage doing that here and there without it annoying me
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 04:43 PM
5

My daughter's school called last week and let me know our youngest was getting student of the month the award this morning. I made her aware after the phone call and I put in time at work to make the ceremony. She was so confused as to why I was home and didnt understand until I spelled it out. I'm going to see her receive her award. She's not only checked out of the marriage, but mostly checked out of the family all together. The only reason it seems she gives any shits about the kids is becaus…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 02:29 PM
2

That is the plan! We're in the initial stages of divorce with another 5 months to go if I'm lucky. We are going to be living together until the divorce is finalized because i don't want to sell the house and cash her out until it's final. I dont want to tell my girls about the divorce until closer to the divorce date because I feel like it would be a dark cloud looming over them longer. So to them, nothing is wrong, we're still a happy family. We just spend less time together.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 12:51 PM
2

I have been and its been amazing! My daughter made me feel a little guilty though.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 12:46 PM
1

How are you doing now? Both your stories mirror mine.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 12:44 PM
3

I believe most men in this subreddit are in your position. We did so much for our partners and they left us. They decided they would be happier elsewhere and moved on before even telling us there was a problem. So you're not going to get too much insight into him, we will be relating to you. If he is betraying your trust by speaking to his baby momma, then he's not the person you want. Does he know this was a boundary for you? If he did, then leave. Love yourself and don't stay where you're not …
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/25 06:43 AM
8

I feel this subreddit helped me out too. Not just with the similar stories, but also when other post their happy stories. Moving on and finding a better situation. It helped me see the light at the end of the tunnel and I hope I can contribute my own post someday to that soon (next year).
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/25 06:36 AM
2

I think you misunderstood me. I can't think of 1 thing I noticed because I noticed so many! I now see how she's not the person i thought she was. I'm going to be way better off when I'm divorced than married, and seeing those red flags helped me feel it
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 10:04 PM
5

It's still a fresh wound for me, but I can't think of the one thing I noticed. It feels like all the red flags hit me at once when I finally broke out of the love spell I was under.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 04:35 PM
1

I'm advising not to do anything different until you talk to a lawyer. My buddy advised me not to leave. Based on the laws of where you live, if you leave, she could use it against you in court. Like you forfeit ownership of your home and its solely hers.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 12:39 PM
6

When women say they are done, there's no really turning back. In the weeks after my stbxw told me she was done, I was a mess. Crying randomly and trying to hold on. I now see how I wasn't loving myself. I was trying to stay somewhere where I wasn't wanted. Since breaking out of her love spell, I have been so much happier and more excited for my future. I am aware it's going to be difficult. There might be some downs in the future, but there's nothing I can't handle. There's nothing you can't han…
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 10:46 PM
6

I am still living with my stbxw and will probably until the divorce is finalized. The first couple of weeks, I was considering moving out but got advice from a buddy who had gone through a divorce not to leave. After some crying, therapy, and antidepressants, I am so much happier knowing she will be mostly out of my life soon. I can do this prison sentence. No problem since I'm looking ahead. I do my best to ignore her while we're both at home. You got this. Love yourself
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 10:02 PM
3

Dude! My stbxw wanted the divorce and was adamant that she was going to be the one to file first. I didnt fight her on it. Then she would start asking me for help with filling out the paperwork! I didnt want this, but you want my help? Hah! I played dumb and did the minimal amount. Later on, I saw she paid a lawyer $500 to help her fill it out 🙄
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 04:43 PM
5

I've heard someone say women are like the weather. They can change dramatically hour by hour. Wondering why will not not get you to where you need to be, it will lead to more questions. Focusing on 'how' is more beneficial than that. How are you going to get out of this situation you're in? How can you improve yourself? And its why the usual responses from people are to work on yourself. Congrats on improving yourself after your breakdown. Keep it up and know that you can handle it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 02:29 PM
5

She wanted us to tell my parents together. I didn't want the divorce. It wasn't a mutual decision. She got mad at me when she found out that I had already told them. She's also randomly asked me, "who else knows?" I side stepped the question the first time. The second time she asked, I rolled my eyes and told her, who I talk to about this is my business, not yours. I have told many people, but only people I trust. There has been 1 person I told that I regret telling. Besides that one mistake, i …
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 12:32 PM
5

I can relate to the feeling of still loving her after doing this to you. It took me weeks to process. After the grieving period though, I saw how I loved who my stbxw was, not who she is. I dont want the person she has become. We talked about being friends post divorce and now, I hope to go as no contact as possible. I was dazed and in a fog. Therapy, antidepressants, and my family allowing me to vent helped me get out of it. Even if you dont see it now, it does get better. On Oct 22, it will be…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/25 02:44 AM
2

Check out the book No more Mr nice guy by Dr. Robert Glover. Reading what you did for her, i think you will relate to the book like i did. I listened to it while on nightly jogs, and it helped me tremendously.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 06:06 PM
5

Check out wysa. It is a free ai therapy chat bot app. I was using it before I started talking to a therapist, and I still randomly use it in between my sessions. I can relate to you in that I thought my wife and I were solid. Since i thought we were a team, I took on all household responsibilities and took care of the kids while she was working on her bachelor's at night. During that time, she would be on her laptop writing papers and on her phone constantly. Once school was over, I thought I wo…
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 01:43 PM
2

You hope to remain friends? I hope you're in the bargaining stage of grief and you move on from that. If I read your story correctly, she cheated on you with her ex. You don't cheat when you love someone. Check out books on loving yourself. No one will love you like you should love yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/25 04:01 AM
3

I was friends with my stbxw for over 5yrs before we started dating. I thought so highly of her and eventhough we had ups and downs, I stayed. At her lowest moments, i was there helping her. At my lowest moment in our relationship is when she decided she would be happier if we separated. Now looking back, I regret not listening to my gut and walking away. At first I was flailing trying to change her mind. I was thinking we could return to be friends at least. Now I just don't want to talk to her.…
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 04:40 PM
1

My biggest anxiety currently is how my two girls are going to take the news. I'm officially free in April, but don't want to tell them until its close to the official date. The divorce wasnt my decision or what I wanted, but after some therapy and soul searching, I see how it is the best thing for me. I was taking care of the house while she was just online all the time. I was so passive-aggressive and irritable. I believe that my kids seeing me happier will make a better impact on them than if …
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 12:39 PM
6

Hang in there, emotions will go up and down like a roller coaster. My stbxw was a high school drop out. I helped her and she graduated this spring with her Bachelor's. Now I'm not the person who will make her happy. My biggest regret now is not leaving her years ago. I feel used. My emotions have gone up and down like a roller coaster and now I'm just stuck in the anger phase. I want nothing to do with her. Don't think of what could have been, because if it wasnt now, it would have been the same…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 07:02 PM
8

Its a trap! I couldn't figure out how to post Admiral Ackbar gif 😅
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/25 08:09 PM
3

I'm stuck with her until April. I have the day circled on my calendar already. I dont want to sell the house and give her half until it's finalized. I'm nervous about giving her so much money until it's legally not my problem 😅
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/25 06:02 PM
3

That's my goal! I want to never see her again, but im not sure how that will affect my daughters. We're still living together and I don't think that will change until my "6 month cooling off period" ends. But im already wondering how can I avoid her as much as I can.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/25 12:58 PM
13

Reading these stories makes me feel not alone. Especially when it echoes what I'm going through. It seemed like we were good. Everyone I've told that my wife filed has been in shock and can't believe it. Talking with a relative, she told me something that helped me process, "it didnt come out of no where, you were just the last to know." Then the red flags filled my brain. I've been working out and going to therapy but she is still in my head. I have a lot of resentment. I just had to give mysel…
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/25 12:50 PM
1

Look up "flat fee uncontested divorce" Its what me and my stbxw are doing. I'm actually getting served today by her lawyer when I get out of work.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 08:18 PM
10

I remember that stage in my grieving process. I was both crying and raging but only in my car by myself because I never wanted the kids to see my pain. I slipped a couple of times and my 9yr old gave me a hug. I still think of that fondly. Start exercising however you can. I started taking hour long walks late at night after putting the kids to bed. It can be meditative or therapeutic. Now I'm onto bikram yoga. I feel so good lately, that I can't wait for my paperwork to be finalized and I only …
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 12:28 PM
2

I started with long walks nightly to clear my head. After weeks of that, im now doing yoga and loving taking care of myself. One thing I did was start journaling. At first it was a spite thing where I was writing my angry feelings and I was going to show it to her. Now, besides discussing the kids, we are no contact and i am so much happier. In my journal, I made a list of things I disliked about our relationship, both serious and petty. I look it at from time to time and add things i later reme…
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 06:57 PM
3

Thank you for the pass 😅 I was blindsided by how fast everything went downhill. I remember begging and trying hard. She gave up after only 2 couples therapy sessions. Since then, I have worked on myself, and I'm so much happier. Unfortunately, I'm still waiting for her to serve me, so my 6 month countdown can begin.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 07:42 PM
1

Pls get the book no more mr nice guy by Dr Robert Glover. I went through it on audible in 2 days. I couldn't stop listening and relating. I can relate to your situation and I feel like you would get a lot from that book. Including the courage to do what you know you need to do.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 12:26 PM
6

Start documenting these events, record audio or video. It won't hurt to have. If she's unstable, leaving the military, or any change in scenery will not help. Lifeguards are taught that if the person they're trying to save is resisting, you just let go. Be careful holding on (too long) to someone who doesn't want to be helped.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 04:13 AM
3

Lean on your friend and have deep conversations with him. Reach out to anyone else who you consider close. Talking about it will help. I was ashamed to talk about my situation, but I reached out to a close family member. They gave me a perspective I needed to hear. It shook me and woke me up from my confusion over my situation. Also, check out the app Wysa. It's a therapy a.i. that's helped me as well
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/25 03:46 AM
4

Do not worry about her, and work on yourself. Maybe you watching out for her has prevented her from hitting rock bottom and looking to make the changes she needs. I can relate to the feeling of trying to save your wife because you care for her. Unfortunately for you, only she can save herself. Just be as cordial as possible, and hope she can help herself while you begin this process. Work on your pain and emotions before you start trying to save someone else.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 08:10 PM
1

I've had to bounce around a little too. So far, my favorite therapist was one that aggressively confronted me and my thoughts. The ones that tried to do it gently felt bleh. Did you attempt to combine it with a psychiatrist? I'm waiting for the referral to see one to help me process. I hope you can keep trying and I wish you better days ahead
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 07:19 PM
2

Pls talk to a professional. If you can't afford it, i suggest wysa. It's a therapy Ai chat bot who has helped me when I don't want to talk to a person. But most of my healing had come from being vulnerable and opening up to ppl who know me best
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 06:47 PM
5

At first, I was embarrassed and scared to tell anyone. But letting people I was close with in the past back in has been so rewarding. I'm glad I didn't wait until things are finalized before being vulnerable.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 01:15 PM
12

If she's checked out, you can't confront it. She will think you're manipulating the situation to get her to stay. If she is done, there's nothing that can be done. But by working on yourself, you can maybe address the things that lead you to divorce. Best case scenario, you will see how you're not as bad as she thinks you are. My STBXW has done a number on my head. Thankfully, I have reconnected and built stronger bonds with my family, which have been an awesome support system for me. At first I…
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 01:11 PM
1

My STBXW told me that her therapist proposed the idea of an open marriage! I was shocked! But she says she likes her therapist and they connect well
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 05:05 AM
2

I dont know if it's the algorithm, or just coming to light, but I never heard of this. Since we began our separation and couple weeks ago, I've had 3 articles pop up on my yahoo feed about peri-menopause and its affect on marriages
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 04:47 AM
3

Great list! #5 is speaking most to me. Just when I think im good and I'm done with the tears, something triggers me, and I'm down on myself again. I'm lucky for a great support system. My fam has been best. Listening to me, not judging, and questioning in a way that gives me different perspectives. But its still very difficult.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 04:22 AM
2

Thank you. Reading this gave me some comfort. I'm going through it now. It doesn't help that I was an emotional wreck (burnt out) before it all went downhill. Current goal is my personal therapy. At first I was going for the wrong reasons. I was going to address "controlling, narcissist, manipulative, uncontrollable anger, didn't love her, didn't find her sexually attractive, etc." Now I'm going to go to address what I think need attention and to be better for me, not her.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 04:07 AM
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