Tomorrow I’m surrendering both dogs back to the shelter I adopted them from because I realize that they’re not getting the care & attention they deserve. They’re left alone & caged when I’m at work. I was left with all 5 pets that we jointly obtained together. She does not care.

The depression is coming back in harsh floods. It’s probably about time for a med adjustment. I want to move forward in life so bad but I’m still living in daily aspects of my old life. I’m putting in the work, I’m seeing psychiatrist, I’m taking meds, I’m going to therapy, I’m leaning on faith, I’m staying away from booze & other things but the one thing holding me all back is the fractions of my old life that remain.

My empty cold home that was once full of warmth & laughter is where it all starts. Too many memories & reminders. I’ve painted the walls, I’ve decorated but it’s just too heavy. It’s under contract to be sold. I’m working out the final details on a place in a different area to buy. It’s been nothing but a shit show so far & heavy stress but it’s a change I need.

I’m a prisoner of my own brain. I can’t just turn it off like a light switch. I wear old clothes because for years I put paying the bills for us 1st. I haven’t had any time to properly grieve & heal from all of this. I’m pushing myself every day to my limits & am so ready to reap the benefits.

Libido is pretty much non existent. I have 0 desire to date right now. 7 months since divorce was finalized, about 9 months since we separated.