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No going back

p0ngping · 2021-05-15T02:15:12+00:00

Anyone else get cold feet? I am at the edge of the cliff. I am ready to leave for good. I have a lease waiting to be signed. We own a house. I want the kids to...

p0ngping

May 15, 2021

3 upvotes

/r/Divorce_Men

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Post Information

Title	No going back
Author	p0ngping
Upvotes	3
Comments	9
Date	May 15, 2021 2:15 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/ncoorr/no_going_back/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/no-going-back.817008 https://theredarchive.com/post/817008

Comments

[–]dday_throwaway3 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]drnkngpoolwater 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]dday_throwaway3 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]StinkyPad 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]p0ngping[S] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

Been in counciling for 6 months. We don't really work on tthe stuff or therapist gives us as homework. No intimacy and mostly we attend to our jobs and kids. I make 3/5 income. I make good, not great money a pretty middle class house in an expensive west coast city. We are fit and active. No alcohol issues or cheating. We split duties. We never spend time alone together. We never talk finances. We only talk about the kids. She has her own bank account She opened a few years back. We went though a few rough years of arguments. Never resolved as they should. She and I were raised different her model was procreating and thats it for sex. No warmth. Her family is devout catholic. It was acceptable to be dedícated in service to raising kids. My upbringing was not religious. My parents stopped having sex when i was under 10 and poured all energy into my school activities. My wife is great with planning and looking after kids needs. She signed our 8th grader up for an expensive private Catholic high school. It probably will be beneficial long term. We pay for expensive club soccer for both kids. It has me worried since my savings are meager. I am looking to sign a 1 year lease for a 2 bedroom apartment in a good neighborhood its a small basement unit. I expect my expenses will create a monastic lifestyle. She wants me to delay moving out till the end of June. The lease I may sign is for June 1. There's no rush. But I really want to get on with my life. My situation is not unbearable. I'm scared the time with my kids is short and they're so close to college years. The marriage is so flat and devoid of any intimacy emotionally or physically on any level. We haven't kissed in over 5 years. I have been sleeping in another room for 6 weeks now and don't miss sleeping with her. I guess I don't know what I am afraid of discomfort, hard conversations. I need to make a change. I guess I am just venting to the internet.

[–]Curious-Ear-4792 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]StinkyPad 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Kids can do that to a marriage, just being perfectly honest. You must have liked something about her originally to get married. Then kids came into the picture and things gradually went to shit? Pretty typical story.

A marriage counselor will tell you that you have to create those moments of intimacy. They don't come automatically. You have to look beyond the day to day, boring, non sexy shit to remember why you decided to say "I do til death do us part" way back when.

I'm not necessarily saying don't leave. But so many people think things will be so much better on the other side of a divorce. I think things will just be different, everything will be different. How you interact with her, how you interact with your kids, how you feel about yourself and the life you'll be living. Better in some ways, worse in others.

It's super tough, I totally get it. I think the number one thing to remember is don't make this just about you. Your decisions will profoundly impact other people, not least of which is your children.

Does she want a divorce too?

[–]p0ngping[S] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]StinkyPad 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link