Wife and I were legally married in 2019, but had been together and had a kid together since 2015. We had another kid in 2024 and things were okay but everything has just turned into a mess.

She is a borderline personality homemaker with no life skills, no bank account, no drivers license and no motivation to change her life. I am high earning professional who regrets staying in the relationship this long, but culture and family pressure kept us together for the optics and kids. She is cold, selfish, and never initiates any intimacy (not even cuddling). We have slept in separate beds since 2016 because she has sleeping issues and I keep her awake. I've embarrassingly begged her to sleep in the same bed as me and she continues to deny it. Sex is probably every 3-4 weeks if she makes time for me. At the same time she instigates and blame me for all these things and never takes any responsibility for her behavior. Things at the home are done poorly with little effort. She barely cooks anymore and just orders doordash because she was too busy during the day to cook. I usually have to come home after 5 and make something for myself and eat alone.

I asked for a divorce last year and she freaked out. I agreed to do couples counseling which was a huge waste of time because she couldn't self-realize that she needed her own individual therapy. When I talked to lawyer to get an idea of what to expect, she threatened to make it very difficult to see my kids if this went through. Given the financial considerations and wanting to be in my kids daily life I gave her another chance. We did work some things out and things got a little better, but also the same fundamental problems exist. This is where it gets messy.

Last year I bough a home for my mom in LCOL area to help stabilize her housing situation, only my name is on that mortgage. We are currently renting and found a really nice home that just needs a lot of cosmetic work. I was looking for stability in a worsening local real estate market (IL) and this place really hit all the things I wanted. She agreed at every step and never really gave any pushback with the decision. We closed two weeks ago and now she has basically shown no interest at all in being a part of this transition. I've been going there in all my limited free time to try to get things done and ready for move-in. Today the threats basically amounted to that she would just do her own thing and not move in to the house. When I brought up divorcing again she agreed it's headed that way. She will have no interest in either property. The new home is close to my job and I would like to stay there if possible.

I make $500k+ (depending on OT) and work sometimes long and irregular hours. I have no clue how we'll divide child visiting duties, especially if she moves 4-hours away to another state. I have a ton in student debt because of med school, but we don't share any other accounts or have much in terms of valuable assets (1 leased vehicle).

Anyways, how fucked am I?