Can I vent for a minute? I’m feeling pretty down right now and maybe writing down what happened can help me kick this feeling.

We married. We had three kids. 8 years later, We separated. We divorced. We got back together after a few months. On Father’s Day I discover she was cheating the whole second try anyway. She gone. I’m over it. It was with my twin brother. After they bond during my grandmothers funeral. She takes the kids to his house to play with his kids while his wife is at work and I’m at work. “We just get along, blah, blah”.

I was crushed. Everything was going great in my eyes I thought. She wanted to buy a house (in the only one working) so we got all the papers together. Had a while big dream house built. About to close when I find out what was going on THE WHOLE time. So we cancel everything. Back out of buying the house and lose quite a bit of money. She tries to take all the down payment. We work it out (she got like 1/3). Get 50/50 custody, but in my state she still get full CS. It’s enough that she still doesn’t have to work. We split a nanny so she can work full time. Decides it’s not for her and asks if I will pay her to be the nanny on my weeks that I have the kids while I’m working. Whatever, sure.

I’ve been working. Now I work a rotation. Out on a boat for a couple weeks, come home, and have the kids and work in the office. So I have 0 free time. But I love having the kids with me. In a suddenly calm, and stable household. We are relaxed and I’m loving life. She gets no kids and doesn’t have to work for the two weeks I have them. Eventually she gets lonely and starts texting me. At first I’m reserved. Eventually we go back to talking regularly. We end up having sex fairly regularly. She opens up a little and confesses her plan when she got back with me for the second time was to see how it goes for five years until all the kids are in school and she doesn’t have to pay for daycare if she wanted to work. At the time, she said it was all just a big mistake, we can work it out, she still loves me, blah, blah, BLAH

I’m at work. She has been texting me and talking to me regularly since I came back out to the boat. I call the kids every night before bed. Last night I didn’t get to tan with them because they were up late watching a movie. Tonight I get no response for a few minutes (she’s typically glued to her phone). She eventually texts that they are with her friend. She’s on a date.

I guess I just needed to write all this out. I’m being used. I’m being used for money. I’m being used when she’s lonely. I’m being used for sex. And I’m being disregarded when she doesn’t need me. What else is new I guess. I’m an idiot for letting her pry her way back in my head every time I start to feel normal again. I just want to curl up and forget everything tonight. But I’m at work. And she’s on a date.