Hi All, I need advice on my chances for 50/50 custody in WA state and best way to achieve that. I am talking to lawyers too, but looking for this forum for advise from folks who have been through this process esp in WA state.
Here's my situation:
Key Issue:1\ We have kids. Key issue is my SBTX does not want me to have any residential custody of our kids. I feel I am so involved that I should be getting 50/50 if not more.
Background:
1\ Both STBX and I work full time. Similar jobs, similar high paying income. Married for long time years..have almost equal savings..
2\ We had difficult marriage. Our kid was born via IVF and I have been in dead bedroom situation for almost 10 years now..I thought initially it was her medical condition, but now it has dawned on me its how she is and it will never improve. Now there is bit of infidelity, happy ending massages, sugar dating from my side but never in front of our kids.
3\ My SBTX is very controlling and abusive. We had a case of DV about many (8+) years back against her, but we got it dismissed on medical grounds. But still it was bad, lot of scratching and blood from her actions, threats of suicide etc. That pattern has continued on/off since though I did not report it thinking it is medical condition and will improve. I also do not have much evidence of those incidents as a result. I have one or two bad quality videos of her pushing me, yelling curses and crying.
4\ I have been fairly involved in my kid's life. Our usual week day is I wake up first, get ready and then get my son ready for school (help with take bath, clothes etc). My wife in mean time makes breakfast. I then take my son to school and pick him back up at dismissal. Sometimes SBTX, sometimes I take our son to extra curricular activities after school. My wife takes care of dinner etc.
On the weekends, I typically make breakfast, play sports and xbox with my son, do some fun building activities. In last 6 months, we built cars for whole month, put together house items, sports equipment outside garge, got him old musical instruments and fixed it and other projects like that.
5\ Both I am my wife plans weekends, organize play dates etc. My wife bit more than I do. I plan doctor visits - dental, orthodontics, vaccinations, asthma checkups etc. SBTX likes to plan more future looking things than I do...
6\ In short both I and SBTX are fairly involved.
7\ Another aspect is my wife had to change jobs very frequently. She got laid off twice in 3 years. Once due to performance reasons and recently also similar but not officially. I know she was having hard time at office. Even within same company she changed teams almost 1 year due to her not being able to get along with her manager or important team member. As a result she had been working really hard for office, late nights etc. Impact on me was, I supported her and was handling bulk of house hold load, taking care of our son, all the shopping, doctor visits etc for quite some time.
8\ Another point to bring is alienation SBTX caused with my friends because she did not like them. Though I am not sure if that is something to bring up for custody battle. There have been cases where my wife has moved our kids away from thier best friends because she did not like them and only on my insistence our kids were able to continue their cherished friendship.
9\ Another point of controlling behavior - She recently stopped paying her share for mortgage payments claiming I should pay for them (in retribution to small infidelity even though super small amount was spent on it) and as a result we might default on loan payment of the house.
Net effect is I am worried about few things:
1\ When I am not with our kids, She will not be able to give them proper care without my support because of her work load and work style. Hence I feel 50/50 custody is in best interest of our kids.
2\ I am worried if I am not there as balancing act in my kids's life she will alienate kids from their best friends.
Questions for the group
1\ How does washington state view 50/50 custody in disputed cases?
2\ Based on what I have written what kind of custody I can expect..both best case and worst case. I am sure SBTX will come back swinging, but I have tried to base my case on facts which cannot be denied.
3\ SBTX will spin my infidelity as sex addiction. How does something like that can affect child custody?
4\ Which points I should elaborate more on and which points I should remove.
Any help/advise appreciated. I am talking to lawyers too, but its is proving difficult to find a good lawyer who can do justice to this case.