Hey all. I have been down quite much since weekend. It’s been 4 months since d-day after 11 years. I can describe stages as it was first an anger on myself as feeling my 11 years are wasted and I sacrificed a lot in my young ages. I was quite motivated as go gym, eat better, do better for myself. However same week I got laid off and financially everything went downhill. I injured my wrist at gym day one. Wore cast for almost 1,5 month.

Then I spent my emergency fund to get things to “new flat” that we supposedly live and then finally I learned my permit to stay in foreign country that I moved for her is on risk. Everything I built in here will be vanished.

My cryings were stopped but I must admit last week hit me so bad that I feel so lonely and I am crying to my old life where I was happy.

What makes me suffer is that she left immediately after she said she is unhappy. I didn’t know. We didn’t even fight, rise voice and so on. We never even sit on table talk seriously about our marriage or unhappiness. Looks like that was the main problem that she didn’t talk, prepared herself one year then pulled the plug.

thats why I cry so much to my old life that is taken away from me in one day as things were not good some time. Last one week every sleep I see dream that I try to talk with her, try to convince. Apologize to not seen signs, to my faults and things I didn’t manage to do last 3 years and fucked up everything by that. I miss her a lot.

I havent sleep almost 2 days and everyday it gets harder. I don’t know how to fight with each battlefield. I know I must focus one by one but all needs urgent attention at once as timings are so crucial. I don’t know man.