For the past 3 months, my friends have been my biggest source of support. During the first two months, I cried myself to sleep almost every night. That eventually stopped, but when my family came to stay with me, the loneliness came back hard. Just talking and joking with them in my flat reminded me of the life my stbxw and I used to have together.

What makes it so hard is how suddenly everything ended. After 11 years together, she left completely out of the blue. No major fights, no arguments. The day before D-Day we were out having brunch, and the next day she told me she was leaving and moved out. I had absolutely no idea she had been unhappy or questioning our marriage.

That same week, I lost my job. I was already carrying debt from renovating our flat and other expenses. Of course I am left alone with all this debt too.

I still can't process any of it. During the last year of our marriage, I supported her through therapy, yoga, and new hobbies because she said she felt empty and wanted to find herself. At the same time, I was dealing with depression after losing family members and struggling financially. I put my own mental health aside because I wanted her to get the support she needed first. Looking back, it feels like she spent that entire year deciding divorce was the answer. I earned 3x less than her, changed my career for our future in foreign country and sacrificed shit load of things.

We've been no contact for 3 months. The only messages I've received have been about lawyers and divorce papers. I still can't understand how someone can go from planning a future together to acting like you don't exist. I was thinking about where we'd spend our summer holiday while she went to Vienna alone, and I spent that week staring at the ceiling in our flat.

Three months later, I'm still not functioning at 100%. Some days I sleep until the evening and stay awake all night questioning everything. Other days I feel like I'm making progress, but I still can't accept what happened. I'm not trying to race her healing, I just can't digest how everything changed overnight.

I know people will suggest the gym and therapy. I tried the gym during the first month but injured myself and I'm still recovering. Therapy isn't an option because I'm broke, and the public system has no available appointments. I can't get the therapy I need. On top of that, I'm in a foreign country, don't speak the language well, and I only have one year to find another job because of my residency. Going back to my home country isn't really an option after spending years and everything I had to build a life here.

I wanted to share these as this week hit really hard when my family came over here.