After my divorce, everything in my life was scattered: finances, kid routines, workouts, drinking habits, even sleep. I’m a software engineer by trade, so instead of trying to “heal" and go to therapy, I started building structure.

I posted here earlier under a different username u/40watts talking about a divorce hotline for men: https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1lfkcuh/why_isnt_there_a_divorce_hotline_for_men/, but ex-wife was stalking that account for evidence to use against me in the divorce (Don't delete social media during divorce or they can consider it concealing evidence). This is my take on that concept.

It started small:

  • A tracker to log child support and expenses so I could stop stressing about it.
  • A simple dashboard for my custody schedule and weekly routine.
  • A log to keep myself accountable with alcohol, like a digital version to pass SoberLink, but private.
  • Then I added a small AI chatbot I’d trained on my own journal entries and posts. Something I could talk to when I needed clarity instead of venting online.

Somewhere in the process, I realized I wasn’t just vibe coding a tool, I was rebuilding myself.

Here are a few things that hit me along the way:

  1. Discipline beats closure. You don’t need emotional clarity to move forward, you need systems that run even when you don’t feel like it.
  2. Control comes from visibility. Once I could see my week and numbers, the chaos stopped being emotional. It became data.
  3. Automation gives peace. The more I tracked, the less I obsessed. The mind quiets when the logistics are handled.
  4. “Rebuilding” isn’t healing, it’s upgrading. You get to design your new life like a product launch.

It turned into a side project I call Zaddyline: a free tool for divorced men to track, plan, and rebuild.
It is not monetized and no signup required. This is just something I built for myself and decided to share.

https://zaddyline.deadbeatzaddy.com

Whether you use it or not, my takeaway is this:
When life blows up, build systems, not feelings.
You’ll wake up one day and realize you didn’t just survive the divorce, you optimized it.