I think I need a reality check… BLUF: I told my wife it’s over, but I feel guilty because I know she has undiagnosed mental health concerns so I make excuses for her behavior.

We’ve been married 6 years, we have two boys together (4 & 3), she has a son (12) and daughter (9) and I have a son (12). She had a tough childhood, and significant trauma (ex: her mom died when she was 10). She’s always been “fiery” and it was an attractive quality to me initially. Over the past few years, she has become increasingly.. well, abusive. She says horribly hurtful things to me, and I took it on the chin until it became more frequent in front of our boys. I started reacting to show them it’s not okay to treat people that way. Small things like she would tell me to “shut up” and I would have to explain to a 2 and 3 year old that “mommy is upset, but it’s still not okay to tell people to shut up”. She’s been violent, she’s brandished weapons (knives, screwdrivers, etc..), destroys my stuff, spits in my face, constantly yells at me, undermines me to the kids (she told her kids they don’t need to listen to me because I’m not their dad), she leaves the house with no warning or explanation in the evening-late night (~2am), she blames me for EVERYTHING (ex: she got fired from her job but said it was my fault), she calls the cops anytime I don’t do what she demands (she kicked me out of bed but I refused and said she’s welcome to go sleep on the couch and then she called the cops to have me removed)… and this is just our average Tuesday. I’ve tried to talk to her many times about my concerns, but she dismisses the possibility of her behavior being a problem, entirely. She then psychoanalyzes what she sees as my issues, thereby labeling me as “the problem”, to which I defend myself, then she blows up in a violent rage, and ‘round and ‘round we go…

So, I know I have plenty of reasons to leave, what I struggle with is the concept of duty/commitment and feeling like I’m abandoning her when she needs me the most. On a loop, I think to myself, “you wouldn’t leave a cancer patient…” to justify MY resignation to leaving. Is this grief? Is it guilt? Is it my conscience telling me to turn around? Thank you for any wisdom you can offer, Gents.