Desperately looking for advice

melyssafaye · 2016-12-15T09:01:45+00:00

From a post-wall woman:

Find something you care about and get involved. Volunteer or do something that will cause you to have social interaction outside of hanging out with friends.

Then, realize that AWALT isn't true. Women, in general, aren't nearly as shallow as men. We tend to be more concerned who a guy is. Not being a creep gets you pretty far and treating women like people instead of bitches who are withholding the pussy you deserve. (Not saying you hold this belief, but it's a common thread among redpill)

Be the person you'd like to find. Write a list of the things you are attracted to and work to be those things. If your list is only: hot, large breasted, thin and so on, then there's your trouble. But, if you want someone who is kind, trustworthy, and interesting, be that.

Depression is hard. Seek medical advice, it really helps.

HAPiper · 2016-12-15T07:45:40+00:00

Here's some thinking that helped me: EVEN IF you end up going through life having never had a relationship, does that mean you should spend all of your time feeling bad about it? Of course not. It means you better find what it is in life that DOES bring you happiness and go after it with gusto.

When I say "happiness," I don't mean the instant-gratification kind like with video games or jerking off. I mean find something that might take time, energy, sweat, frustration, etc. that will fulfill you in a deeper sense.

The trick to this is that once you do this and begin pursuing your passions, you become fit, interesting, confident, etc. The obstacles that might stop you from meeting the right person will fade away. Try to become the person you would want to date.

Laviland · 2016-12-15T13:51:16+00:00

Try accepting yourself and caring for yourself for the time being. If you're worried about your health, maybe try some sport or activities that interests you.

Maybe it would be best right now to build a healthy relationship with your own self and with valuing yourself without going into full-blown ego tripping or narcissism of course. Accept your weight, and over time start losing it in healthy ways and naturally with exercise, changes to diet with having your own health as the top goal here if that's what you want to do.

I've never seen any of my female friends avoiding shorter guys tbh, my shortest male best buddy had wedding proposals at one point I had to shield him at parties. lmao. top lulz were had.

If the depression is becoming too much, try seeking professional advice and/or therpaist that will listen to you, and/or try talking wit friends or family or here online if you're comfortable with it. While it does sound worn out, sometimes its also good to write stuff down in your own "notebook" or something, and letting go of some of those negative emotions and thought patterns with time and patience and understanding towards yourself and others.

You're not being entitled or rude. I am sure you will have a girlfriend and/or girlfriends, just take some time now to build your own more positive emotions and thought patterns and see your own value, worth, and try to love yourself with all the good and all the "flaws" you may or may not actually have.

I assure you're not alone and that there are plenty of men and women in similar or even almost the same situations, life can be a bit confusing and stir is in not so good paths for us or for others. it's fine, let it go and don't feed yourself with even more insecurity or doubt or fears or paranoia the RP is at times full of and toxic for you and for other men and women. Sometimes we're all our own worst enemies due to our own perception steeped in fear and doubt. It's fine to sometimes doubt ourselves, but you also have to have faith in yourself in the end and trust that you'll meet someone sooner or later who you can share some time and/ care for them and they care for you and appreciate you as you are without any dramatics such as "you've got to climb mountains and whatnot" for someone to love you.

I am not sure if you're into some books regarding self-help so this one was interesting to me and helped at times so see if you'd like to give it a read and see if its your cup of tea;

"The Game of Life and How to Play it"

Nobody really gets instant partners, and we all have to sometimes go through what you'd call "setbacks" or loneliness or doubts, but the most important thing is that you pick yourself up, enjoy and see your own worth without it being constantly dependent on someone or something outside of you, and everything else will slowly but surely come into place, and you'll have experiences and great things in your way and coming your way as soon as you see it possible as it always was within your own mindset and switch from the negative perception and constructions you built over time and held onto.

Just let the past be the past, let go of it. Otherwise your mind just clings to it and repeats it in the present and future with this whole "nobody wants me" thought patterns and emotional patterns. See a positive present and future in your mind now, and build on it healthier thoughts and emotions so you can stop bringing yourself down. Sometimes that's all that is needed to be honest. We block ourselves from even seeing whats right in front of us at times kind of like in those hypnosis shows where the hypnotist makes a person not see a chair right in front of them or that they're a chicken and not a human. Our mind is funny like that at times.

I wish you the best, and take care of yourself and don't give in to worry and doubts so much. Cheers

raziphel · 2016-12-15T19:37:57+00:00

first: treat the depression and understand how those feelings affect your thoughts. talk to a therapist, maybe get some meds. do what you've got to do.

understand how intrusive thoughts work, how you can recognize them, and how to manage them. personally when my thoughts get bad, once I recognize them, I gently correct myself, as if I were correcting a puppy. lead your brain to more pleasant thoughts. you deserve better from yourself. don't talk to yourself like Donald Trump talks to others.

you don't need to lose weight to attract people, because there are definitely happy fat people out there, but let's be honest: it certainly makes it easier. it'll make you feel better too.

get out and spend more time with people. practive being outgoing and friendlier.

be patient with yourself. change like this doesn't happen overnight. be forgiving with yourself when you make mistakes, because they will happen.

practice presenting yourself in a more appealing way. you don't have to go out and buy expensive closes, but don't dress like a slob. the standard for men is really low but it still requires some effort.

don't go out with the mindset of "getting a girl": 1: other people can smell it and it pushes them away, and 2: doing so means any little setback will hit harder. improve yourself for yourself.

use the scientific method. make a theory, test it, and observe the results. if you get good feedback, make that your new base pattern and refine it. if you don't get good feedback, modify your pattern to be better and try again.

you got this, man. you can do it. it's not going to be easy, but it's totally worth it.

TLDR: be someone others want around.

Devvils · 2016-12-15T08:25:07+00:00

what should i do besides losing weight and becoming fit again? is there any books you recommend?

Be yourself? Try /r/MGTOW

Title	Desperately looking for advice
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	8
Comments	12
Date	December 15, 2016 5:35 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/5ifsro/desperately_looking_for_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/desperately-looking-for-advice.300346 https://theredarchive.com/post/300346

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