First girlfriend

RedPillDetox · 2017-03-24T12:40:55+00:00

It is extremely hard to detox from red pill and leave it's ideas behind. Specially if you're unexperienced with dating or all of your dating experiences were post-TRP. Psychologist Daniel Kahnman says that the more we are exposed to something the more it feels true. It's a "lie told many times becomes a truth" logic. If you've been exposed to TRP like everyday for the past year, reading their circular logic fallacies, and most or all of your dating experience is rooted on TRP then it's gonna be hard to detox, as all still feels true. You need to be aware that just because TRP makes sense in your mind, doesn't mean it's true. My advise is this: To counter Red Pill "red flags" play devils advocate with yourself. Always try to refute your own beliefs. For every red pill flag that you know it's there with your girlfriend think of another red pill flag that should be there but isn't. For example, you may think that she's cheating on you because of a joke she made, but you actually opened up to her like a "beta" talking about his feelings and she didn't lose attraction for you.
You seem to be aware of what your problem is. You also seem to be scared of hurting your girlfriend, whom you love. This is good. It's half of the walk, already. All you need is self-control, but it's easier said than done. I know it because i've been in your position before. Just remember, while your girlfriend is treating you kindly and with respect, there's no need to think about TRP crap because you're already winning in the first place, so even from TRP standards you don't have to dread game her if everything is going fine. No need to constantly search for red flags or be paranoid about if she's gonna "lose attraction for you" because you're acting like a "beta", for example.
Just treat her kindly and with respect. She's a virgin. She doesn't want to have sex yet, because like everybody knows, virgin women are very insecure about losing their virginities. Not because you're beta, wtf. Treat her kindly, stop thinking about TRP crap, all is good in the hood while she's treats you kindly too. Just chill, dude. Enjoy your relationship instead about worrying with cheating or runningdread game all the time. I suggest you'de read Mark Manson's "Models" book because it's a good starting point to detox from Red Pill crap.

Odin_VII · 2017-03-25T06:49:28+00:00

Firstly, I'd like to welcome you to exredpill!

Now, it's excellent that you've taken the time to reflect upon your actions. Finding the source(s) of your feelings is also remarkable. You're now able to use this newly found knowledge to transform yourself.

I won't lie to you, it will be hard to unlearn TRP's methods. As you've stated, you tend to fall back on TRP's methods as a self-defense mechanism. So I'm pretty sure you know that you need to find what "triggers" these reactions and find a better way to deal with them. But I know you can do it!

Lastly, I recommend studying psychoanalysis, if you don't already. Psychoanalysis covers stuff like defense mechanisms, and how our childhood experiences influences our decisions. I'd also read up about cognitive distortions, which a lot of TRP's members have (e.g. polarized thinking, overgeneralizations, etc.).

raziphel · 2017-03-24T14:47:25+00:00

Out of curiosity, how old are you, and how old is she?

You're insecure because this is new and unfamiliar territory. That's ok.
Remember, healthy relationships are about trust and kindness. Work toward that goal.
Have you apologized to her for the bullshit you put her through? Do it, show her what you're working on overcoming and why. It wil lbe easier to get over this shit if she helps you, and you can help her get over her own issues. Even if you both like BDSM D/s relationship structures, you can do it without being a destructive asshole.
Check yourself for red flags means reading and understanding better solutions. Go read about emotional abuse and manipulation techniques so you can spot them in your own behavior (and in others) and label them correctly. Show that information to your girlfriend, so that if you accidentally do something hurtful, she can call you on it (sooner than later) in a constructive manner.
You will hurt your gf if you stick to TRP. That's how that process works because it's about selfishly taking what you want from others. In a very real sense, that mindset is that of a sociopathic abuser.
If you accidentally say something hurtful, apologize immediately.
Be patient with yourself. This can take a while. However, know also that this is a good thing. Live a life of continuous personal growth as best you can.

Title	First girlfriend
Author	manonthemillion
Upvotes	16
Comments	8
Date	March 24, 2017 9:24 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/617xjq/first_girlfriend/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/first-girlfriend.300296 https://theredarchive.com/post/300296

Comments