I HAVE A Concerning Question? 😔🤔

Inareskai · 2020-10-20T06:53:52+00:00

You see a therapist.
You learn how to make new habits to replace old ones. There are self help books for that or you see a therapist.
Not really, everyone has baggage they take into relationships with them. The key thing is accepting that it's your baggage and not expecting your new partner to have to manage your baggage for you.

cuicksilver · 2020-10-20T07:58:37+00:00

With practice and concerted self-awareness. You’re gonna fall back on old habits unconsciously, so it’s key to pay attention, stay humble, be OK with owning up and apologizing, be compassionate with yourself, and be persistent.

Breaking old habits takes time in building new habits. The longer one has a bad habit, the longer it often takes to reverse it. You might even be good for years and then still slip up out of the blue, it happens.

Therapists are a great way to have an objective coach guide and (supportingly) check you when making new habits.

chofferblower · 2020-10-20T07:04:16+00:00

Habits are... complicated things. To put it simply, the human mind often has difficulty to break patterns of behaviour, and is as often willing to pay a hefty price in terms of sanity and rationality to upkeep them.

The best method for habits breaking is two fold : visual modelling and schedules.

Start by thinking about the very behaviours that you want to change. Be the most specific possible. Than, try to put organisational or physical restraints on you to avoid doing your current behaviour. If you want to stop eating chocolate, stop going through the chocolate isle at the store, or better, ask someone to do your groceries for you. Make it difficult for you to dodge the restraints, the hardest the better.

At the same time, make a schedule for creating your new habit. You can do both at the same time, or one after another to limit cognitive strain. Each day, try to practice the new behaviour. For exemple, if you want to switch chocolate for fruits in your diet, and you really dislike fruits, try eating only a quarter each day. We learn to enjoy the things we know, so it will get better over time.

You’ll want to keep your motivation up. This is where visual modelling comes in. The brain doesn’t really make a qualitative difference between imagining seeing things and actually seeing them. Some people are able to masturbate without visual support, simply through the sheer power of visual imagination. The thing that helped me was to get a white board that I put on my bathroom, and where I write the things I want to accomplish with an incentive to visualise them. Each day, when I wake and go brush my teeth, I stumble upon it and it reminds me to visualise, which associates the thing I want with the effort I’m putting in. This is also a skill, that can get practiced. At some point, the white board won’t be useful anymore and you’ll just visualise things spontaneously to help you with motivation.

All this takes time. Don’t beat yourself up but try to stick to it as close as you can. Once you develop appetite for delayed gratification, what this whole process is, life takes a radically different turn.

As for relationship advice... it depends widely. As long as you don’t make anyone suffer with your baggage, everything kept at scale ofc, I don’t see a problem with it. Otherwise, it will be necessary to work on yourself first before trying to date, imho.

Title	I HAVE A Concerning Question? 😔🤔
Author	crzymikeslife
Upvotes	1
Comments	4
Date	October 20, 2020 4:44 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/jeiqhy/i_have_a_concerning_question/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/i-have-a-concerning-question.1194193 https://theredarchive.com/post/1194193

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