I saw people transactionally and felt so bitter towards people because I always thought through the lense of Action = result with person

I was also using these gurus as a guide for my world view. I decided I needed to make decisions for myself even if I get shitty “results”. I was trying to control everything and trying to live up to an ideal that isnt real.

The subconcious act was I am a bad person, i feel like shit therefore I must do something to change that. But that is still in reaction to the fact that I thought poorly of myself.

Once I accepted myself and actually went after what I wanted and not trying to follow. a strict self help schedule like cold shower, wake up early bullshit everyone seems to be on these days did I find peace.

I like to wake up late, I like to play video games, I am not a social person. These are parts of myself I denied because you wont be a succesful person or you dont deserve to be alive if you arent dan bilzerian like.

When I talk to woman, I see them as people now and not trying to get my body count up. This has lead to more genuine connections with people. Accepting the good and bad parts of myself. Basically I just realized that life is pretty mundane and what I like is what I like. I still chase after goals and live my life but it is coming from a different place. Where as when I was in the TRP mindset I was using all these manipulation tactics and hated myself and felt way more alone even though I had success hooking up and being with people. I am much happier once I left TRP ideology.

Everyone is doing the best they can