I've been RP my whole life until I finally started making serious progress this year. I was a porn addict since age 12 until I quit age 27 (still going strong :) ) I was a covert/vulnerable narcissist my entire life too and I can't help but see a major crossover with that and my RP beliefs. I always hated attractive women because they never just fell over themselves for me like I thought they ought to. I dated women who I never thought were good enough for me but I kept them around (albeit emotionally distanced from me) because sex and company provided me distraction from my inner anger and depression. I learned a major lesson one year ago when a very attractive woman friend of mine put out. If my long held belief that sex with hot women was all I wanted was true, I would have felt completely fulfilled to sleep with this woman the 4 or 5 times I did. But I felt as hollow as ever. For her, the sex was casual, and although she initially showed great interest in my personality, she quickly discovered the truth that I was extremely emotionally underdeveloped, crippled with low self esteem, lacking purpose, motivation, resilience and responsibility. I realised then that sex alone was never going to be enough to make me happy. I doubled down on my commitment to work on myself, and one year later, I have evolved so much that it feels in many ways like I'm an entirely different person.

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