Aspergers syndrome, part-asian never had a girlfriend, - recent suicide attempt, covid stress/ workload, and combined with accumulated red-pill beliefs. The most pernicious aspect was the masculinity shaming, ALPHA VS BETA! FRAME! JUST LIFT! Horrible dehumanization, casual racism.

Constantly putting myself under unbearable pressure, im a loser if I play video games, I'm a loser if I don't drive a fancy car, or constantly go out wearing good clothes - I have to "live up to something"

Eventually branch off from red-pill into Neo-Nazi / White-nationalist territory, (despite being non-white/ part asian on my fathers side). What shocked me out of it a bit, and then later on, was people like RooshV literally advocating rape.

I felt that hanging out with my family was "lame", and I should spend as little time with them as possible to be "successful", or whatever.

I remember I scared off and ruined my chances with a girl in Highschool, WHO LIKED ME, by suddenly spouting all this garbage about how feminism "sucked", because her friend sitting next to her was appearently a feminist. Does believing women are human beings, and not at all like how TRP describes them, and DON'T deserve to be raped and mistreated make me a poor excuse of a man? Am I broken? Am I "beta"?

WHY? Why do people, and young men believe this stuff? Years of searching for a light, a SAFE HAVEN FROM THIS crap. The absolute WORST thing, is that it teaches indirectly, that empathy is a form of weakness - which is perhaps the most dangerous part, and one that has hampered me significantly in my recovery.

I just feel like nobody ever told me to the contrary.