Trust

From the relationship that I have, there are two things that I have realized.

The first is how I don’t trust other people. Better said: my trust for others is something very fragile. In one moment, I can see that a person loves me and wants to be with me and respects me. But then they do something small or maybe they don’t do something.

And then the flooding of emotions and thought comes in. “You’re gonna leave me! It’s finally happening!” and feelings of despair and loneliness.

This cycle has been happening my entire life, it’s just that before I took the thoughts literally and thought “yes, everyone hates me, I can’t trust anybody”. Now I’m noticing what’s happening.

I experience things with other people, and this cycle of “you like me” to “you don’t care for me” happens. This creates a confusing and isolating world in my head.

So then comes the red pill. It says all women are like that, women can’t love, they’ll leave you when they can, etc. In a sentence, the red pill is “You cannot trust women”. You can’t trust that they’ll stay with you, you can’t trust that they love you, you can’t trust that they care for you. This “realization” is what inspires the “anger phase”.

These are the type of thoughts my mind has been having my entire life.

TRP goes farther than that though. It then says “You can’t trust them, but you can get sex and appreciation from them”. For many, that’s enough. For others like the MGTOW guys, to them that’s not enough. They say “If I can’t trust them, I’m not playing the game”. I would do the exact same if I had their perspective. I can’t say I don’t respect it.

The (supposed) revelation of “you can’t trust women” never made me stop feeling terrible though. Now that the red pill gave me the words for it, I basically would spend an entire day thinking about why my girlfriend would do something in this way over and over again. I would also either browse theredpill or theorize in my head. Over and over again.

What purpose did that serve? I was trying to change the emotions of despair that the lack of trust brought. If I can’t trust anyone, I might as well be 100% sure of this fact. And once I know for certain, I will know what’s in my girlfriend’s head. I’ll know what she thinks of me. And once I know that, I’ll know how to act, and the world won’t be a sea of confusion.

That’s all the red pill was for me. It was a desperate strategy to quiet my emotions that came from a lack of trust.

What I, and all of you have learned though, is that this lack of trust will not get fixed by going on the internet, or spending hours asking myself “Why did they do this?!?” This just makes us feel more confused and angry and abandoned.

The real solution? The real solution is looking at the other person and honestly saying “I am thinking these things and having these emotions. Where are you emotionally? What do you think about this?”

Trust can only come in this way.

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This will likely be my last post on the exredpill subreddit. I’ve noticed that being on the exredpill has just been another strategy to compensate for the lack of trust that I have for others. Instead of theorizing TRP to fix lack of trust feelings, it’s browsing exRP.

For me, it’s just been another way of procrastinating building real trust with those close to me.

I wish you guys well, and I hope my posts have helped. Thanks to all who have helped me. Good luck to all of you out there.