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Leilani29
[–]FitncurlyFDS Apprentice9 points10 points11 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes, this applies always, and there is a fine line between being assertive/forward and mothering in relationships —one will reward you, the other will build resentment.
[–]smolsunriseFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Roger this. It is so hard for me to learn to speak up for myself, as I was raised to play along with a narcissistic mother. Does anyone have any resources for learning to speak up?
[–]Leilani29FDS Newbie[S] 3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
I also had trouble with speaking up in my previous relationship for a bit. I knew something was off, but would take the safe route & try to gently mention things to him, like drop little comments here and there. Of course, he playfully brushed everything off. This slowly made me feel like I was losing my mind.
It was so very obvious to me that something really WAS off, but he seemed to be either painfully unaware of his behavior or living in denial. When I started to be more assertive with him about how I was feeling, he became very mean and hostile with me.
He felt threatened by "I feel..." statements & would claim that I was attacking him. Then, the gaslighting began. I stood my ground & he didn't like that. He was a deeply insecure man who could not handle being told that he was not perfect.
He would immediately reject & dismiss my feelings. I was treated as if I was inconveniencing him with my feelings. He would show no care or concern. It was shocking & devastating to me.
I am not sure if he was an actual narcissist. He was generally nice and caring until I raised a concern...then it was like dealing with an extremely selfish monster.
Anyway, standing up for yourself is about knowing your worth at the end of the day. Deeply realize that you have the right to speak your mind. Some are far too self-absorbed & insecure to look past themselves. As a result, they will try & make you doubt yourself/feel foolish.
This is a powerful TedTalk from licensed clinicial psychologist Adia Gooden!
Cultivating Unconditional Self-Worth
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[–]FitncurlyFDS Apprentice9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]smolsunriseFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Leilani29FDS Newbie[S] 3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link