I have been a pick me all my life. For as long as I can remember. I've wanted someone to find me worthy of being loved, cherished, cared for even. As a foster child I learned to shrink myself and as an adopted child I learned that in order to be loved, I needed to prove I was worthy. This isn't a sob story though, its a tale of enlightenment and a hard journey of self discovery.

One year ago I found myself once again, in a relationship with a man twice my age, trying to prove to him that I was worth be treated properly. I saw the many red flags but figured I wasn't worth more than he was willing to give. Even after I was isolated, criticized daily, told that no one else would want me, gave in to sexual acts I knew I didn't want to do, listening to him complain about all of his crazy exes etc., all for his "love". It wasn't until January of last year I started therapy that things started to change for me. I knew I needed something but I wasn't sure where to start. My life was in shambles, I was unemployed and miserable. I had a boyfriend of 1 year who favorite pastime was judging me. We started slow, I was diagnosed with PTSD and it opened my eyes to so much. I was worth more than judgement, broken promises, mediocre/shitty relationships, so I broke up with my shitty boyfriend.

After that I started doing sooooo much better. I realized my worth wasn't based on a mans judgment on whether I was worthy of it. I was born worthy. I came into this world deserving of every good thing I can even conceive. I found this sub, and have been lurking, and learning. I've found new hobbies, and a new social group. Its not an overnight process, there have been many tears and lots of grieving the fact that I've accepted such bullshit in the past. I am now past the grief and have accepted that I now know my worth and will never settle again, for anything. I am currently reading The Gift of Fear, which has helped a lot.

I now have a great job, that actually appreciates my skills and talents. I have been single, celibate and happy. I date here and there, but at theeee first sign of red flag, I run far far away. No more benefit of the doubt, No more pacifying grown men, coddling them, and concealing my beauty to suit their needs and wants. My needs, wants and desires come first ALWAYS. I have dedicated this year to myself and I don't regret it at all.